Fighting with Perfection
Balancing perfectionism and diabetes
March 2010 — Diabetes is a thing surrounded by numbers. Everything is a number, or is used in a calculation. We have blood sugars, units of insulin, and grams of carbohydrates. Then we take those numbers and stick them into more numbers. There is the insulin to carb ratio, the duration of insulin action, and our correction factor.
With all of those numbers, it is easy to expect the math to always "net out". What I mean is if I do the math, using all of those numbers, I expect my result (in most cases "result" means my blood sugar) to come out pretty darn close to my target blood sugar.
I think that all of us realize there are many areas of inaccuracy in all of those numbers, especially with the glucose meters and food label information we use. There are so many more areas around these numbers that don't fit nicely into our calculations. Did you know that the size of your bolus affects how long that bolus lasts (duration of insulin action)? That's some ugly math, which our current devices don't deal with.
To be fair, all of this math does a pretty good job, most of the time. I know I cling to it because it helps me make some sense of manually mimicking a pancreas, even if it doesn't always work perfectly.
I'm no scientist, or doctor, or even a very educated person, but I don't think the human body always fits into mathematical equations. There are "things" happening inside us that can't be strapped to a quantifiable number. Stress, emotions, sickness, infections, sports. There are more of these types of things (un-quantifiable factors) than the ones we CAN put some numbers to.
Garlic Lima Bean Soup Sweet Red Pepper Soup with Garlic Thai-Style Chicken Curry Roast Beef Sandwiches with Horseradish Cream Salmon Loaf Light-Napa Cabbage Slaw Apricot Souffles Turkey Cream Cheese Bites Jalapeno Tomatillo Salsa Honey-Sesame Pork Chops
Many people say that depression is a side effect or complication of diabetes. Without discounting the association of the psychological condition with the physical one, I'm not convinced that our high and/or unstable glucose levels are directly responsible for that change in our mental state. My belief is that the unrelenting need for self-care, for following the sort of care schedules that can drive licensed, professional caregivers crazy, is what overwhelms us...