Fighting with Perfection
Balancing perfectionism and diabetes
March 2010 — Diabetes is a thing surrounded by numbers. Everything is a number, or is used in a calculation. We have blood sugars, units of insulin, and grams of carbohydrates. Then we take those numbers and stick them into more numbers. There is the insulin to carb ratio, the duration of insulin action, and our correction factor.
With all of those numbers, it is easy to expect the math to always "net out". What I mean is if I do the math, using all of those numbers, I expect my result (in most cases "result" means my blood sugar) to come out pretty darn close to my target blood sugar.
I think that all of us realize there are many areas of inaccuracy in all of those numbers, especially with the glucose meters and food label information we use. There are so many more areas around these numbers that don't fit nicely into our calculations. Did you know that the size of your bolus affects how long that bolus lasts (duration of insulin action)? That's some ugly math, which our current devices don't deal with.
To be fair, all of this math does a pretty good job, most of the time. I know I cling to it because it helps me make some sense of manually mimicking a pancreas, even if it doesn't always work perfectly.
I'm no scientist, or doctor, or even a very educated person, but I don't think the human body always fits into mathematical equations. There are "things" happening inside us that can't be strapped to a quantifiable number. Stress, emotions, sickness, infections, sports. There are more of these types of things (un-quantifiable factors) than the ones we CAN put some numbers to.
Herbed Yogurt Topping Blueberry Oats Sesame Garlic Spinach Indian-Style Curry Chicken Bacon, Lettuce & Peanut Butter Sandwich Shrimp and Tortellini Salad Thousand Island Dressing Lemon Roasted Asparagus Ham and Cheese Egg White Omelette Lasagna Roll-Ups
James Joyce said that “mistakes are the portals of discovery.” I wonder if insulin levels have been our mistake. Could it be that this hellish week of blood sugars were somehow meant to be? Drastic times call for drastic measures, right? Maybe we were too afraid in the past to take the plunge into drastic measures. Maybe this is oddly what we needed. We had to be truly frightened in order to make bigger, bolder changes. ...