I Am Afraid

After a few difficult months I am afraid of getting my A1c results.

kalimah bioBy Kalimah Johnson

June 2010 — My doctor took blood today to check my A1c and I am afraid that the number I will get back may reflect how I have not managed my blood sugar very well over the past three months.

Why have I not been taking care of my type 2 diabetes?

I ask myself that when I am gobbling down some unhealthy food close to midnight after I stayed on the new job way too late (I love the new job I must say). I ask myself this same question when I roll over after the alarm sounds off in the morning to wake me up in enough time to go to the gym to work out for 30 minutes and I ignore it and snooze for another hour. I ask myself why am I putting my health last these days and preferring to stay up too late, eat too much, not test enough and promise myself a better day tomorrow? Only to start the vicious cycle over again, the very next day.

I am on a self-loathing roller coaster of past bad eating habits, negative self-talk, creative excuses and stress that is becoming more apparent than any time in my life.

I have to let something go, start something new, forgive myself, call a friend, find support, remember my commitments to my partner, nieces and nephews. Celebrate my blessings instead of looking at my burdens.

Where can I start?

I joined weight watchers again but I missed the last two meetings and the weeks before that I gained instead of losing. I have thought about bariatric surgery but I think for me, that may be too drastic. I met the criteria by being obese and having two co-morbidities but I am afraid. Information always can counteract fear but these days I have been too busy and overwhelmed with new challenges that I have not even thought about seeing a specialist in the field.

Have I ever been so negative and bleak in this article? Maybe.

Page: 1 | 2

Last Modified Date: June 10, 2013

All content on dLife.com is created and reviewed in compliance with our editorial policy.

Sign up for FREE dLife Newsletters

dLife Membership is FREE! Get exclusive access, free recipes, newsletters, savings, and much more! FPO

Congratulations!
You are subscribed!
Congratulations!
You are subscribed!
Congratulations!
You are subscribed!
71 Views 0 comments
by Lindsey Guerin
July has kicked off to be quite insane and a little freaking weird, to be honest. On the 1st, I hopped on a jet plane to vacation with my mom on the East Coast. We roadtripped to Montreal, which was interestingly wonderful. It was great to get away, but definitely too short-lived to return to life as normal this week. I am still dealing with a lot of emotional things lately, which has me wondering what underlying issue is making these ugly emotions turn up. While my mom and I sat...