I'm so frustrated right now. Like cry myself to sleep frustrated. I started walking again five days ago. I had to skip this morning because at 5:50 a.m. my blood sugar was 231. I hate myself for that. But here's what happened. Yesterday, we were invited to a barbeque. In addition to the dessert I left on our kitchen counter, I also forgot to bring my medicine with me. I took the meds when I got home and ate something small just in case, but I still woke up to this hideous number. And of course, no matter how diligent I was all day I remained high because I can't take fast-acting insulin with Byetta.

So my main beef lately is with Byetta. I seem to have zero wiggle room. While the increase in blood sugar after a meal is fairly slight, when I'm high I remain high for longer periods of time than if I were on MDI. For example, Saturday I also woke up with a higher-than-200 blood sugar. I had a boiled egg and went for a leisurely walk around 7 a.m. I had absolutely nothing to eat other than that egg and it took five hours to get down to 60.

But today, for example, even though I was still high post breakfast, I actually dropped 50 points from my fasting. This I like. The fact that I feel like I can skip a meal or two every day I like. The intense urge I have right now to throw the Byetta pen under the tires of my car and run it over until my rage is sufficiently spent I don't like.

I am beyond frustrated right now. I'm ready to give up on Byetta and go back to the occasional shot of fast-acting insulin. However, I'm going to stick it out until my next endo appointment. I'm going to continue my morning walks (even if I'm high, I've decided that I'll at least get out and go for an only-slightly-increased-pace walk), I'm going to continue the injections, I'm going to continue to try my darndest to keep my hand out of the cookie jar. And in another eight weeks if my A1C has improved even moderately, I think I'll stay with Byetta. But if it's the same or worse, I'm going back to Novolog. Yes, I realize that I'm mad right now and that anger is likely clouding my judgment, but I'm making a huge, huge effort and while it's not perfect it is a process and I'm having trouble seeing Byetta as a long-term part of that process.