My grandmother once told me that she'd be happy if she never had to eat again, that if she could just take a pill four nourishment instead of eating she'd be fine.

I, frankly, thought she was nuts. I love to eat. The textures, the tastes. There's something so intoxicating about food, especially the ones I'm not supposed to eat. Maybe it's more a case of the forbidden fruit.

Nevertheless, I've started thinking lately that my grandmother (who is also type 2) has the right idea. If I could just lose the desire to eat nonstop I'd be in good shape. If I had to essentially force myself to eat I think I could make healthier food choices more often. Or, more likely, not eat as often.

This is painfully obvious to me as I often sit at my desk with a large bag of M&M's in my desk. When I bought them, I likely felt like eating and eating a lot and figured that I'd always have that feeling and that I'd be glad to have a snack nearby. And then a day or two pass and I don't feel like eating. But that bag of M&M's is still sitting there waiting for me to grab a handful. And even though part of me doesn't want to, I grab some. And then some more. My brain and my stomach betraying me at the same time.

And there are times when I've filled myself so full of food that I literally can't fathom the idea of eating. These are the times when my brain and my stomach are actually work together. For me, not against me.

That's the feeling I want all the time. It seems so barbaric to want that. To want to feel as close to miserable as possible without actually being miserable.

That's what I hope Byetta brings to me. Later this month, I'll visit my endo for the first time in close to six months. We've already discussed Byetta and this trip will simply be to get me started. Oh, and to get the dreaded A1C. I'm not optimistic about that.

I need this crutch. I need something that will help me help myself. Because right now, I'm doing a lousy job.