For a variety of reasons that all add up to a perfect storm of unfortunate for yours truly, I have gone off my diabetes medications and shall be off of them for a few days. I ran out of both at the same time, and it happened on a weekend, and a holiday weekend, no less, so there was no one at my doctor's office to call. Furthermore, if I'd been paying attention (and really, why would I? It's only my health we're talking about here), I would have seen that I had no more refills on my prescription, meaning that in order to get more, I would need to make an appointment and go in to see my doctor again, which of course I should have done a few months ago, but my book came out and I've been busy being Mister Fancy Pants, etc. etc. etc., blah blah blah. Really, there are a number of excuses, but they all come down to my own personal dedication to being the very best cautionary tale I can be for the rest of you. No need to thank me, I do it out of love.

It's not as bad as it could be. I'm a Type 2 diabetic, so it's not like I've decided to throw off the shackles of dependence on insulin and figuratively walk into the sea. I take two drugs, metformin and glimeperide, which regulate my blood sugar but do not keep me alive in the strictest of terms. Going off them in the short term shouldn't send me to the hospital gasping and flailing, the ghostly faces of my ancestors hovering at the periphery of my vision, welcoming me to the Other Side where I'll be able to drink all the sugary colas I want. In the long term, stopping these meds would be a very very very very very bad idea. (I'm hoping that five "verys" will be enough to stave off the scolding emails, but I sort of know better.)

But a few days off my meds while I reorganize my fancy author's life to recognize that I am still a sick old man shouldn't be too bad, right?

Right?

Well, let me say this for the record, so that any of the rest of you who are considering going off your meds for any reason at all, whether it be by accident like me or out of frustration with the side effects of those medications, a point I can also understand completely. (Metformin is not a fun drug to take; when I get back on, I am well aware of the punishment that awaits me, including nausea and, well, the kind of sit-down time that is made more bearable with a good book, if you know what I mean, and I'll bet you do.) Are you listening? Good.

I feel like absolute balls.

In the space of a few days, I have turned into an old man, sluggish and grumpy. Getting out of bed in the morning has turned into an exercise of willpower, although it really shouldn't be sent I spent the whole night going to the bathroom over and over and over again. Overnight, I have turned into my dad. The worst of it can be spared by paying extra close attention to every tiny bit of sugar and carbs going into my system. One could achieve this by eating lettuce and paper, of course. Good luck with that, friend.

It's a temporary issue, I know. In a few days, I'll be back on all my meds, and after the inevitable period of readjustment (woo hoo, there's no party like a metformin party!), I'll be back to my old self again. I have to remember, however, that my old self is not the product of clean living and happy genes. At this stage of my life, it's largely the result of pharmaceuticals. That happy fact may not make me feel like a million bucks, but trust me. The alternative sucks.