I really cannot believe that the year is already coming to a close. When I look back, I feel so old...wondering where the time has gone and knowing that I'll never get it back. It seems like just yesterday I was enjoying the feel of the summer months with its easy going and warm nights. Now, 2009 is at its end and we're starting an entirely new decade. So where did 2009 go?
In January, I got my wisdom teeth removed and learned that letting go of my diabetes wasn't the end of the world. at least when into the hands of trusted doctors with type 1 themselves. Little did I know that having my wisdom teeth removed and undergoing that sedative would prepare me for what would come in November.
In February, I let the blogging world know a little bit more about my life with diabetes in the form of 25 random things. Not only did it let you guys in on some "secrets," but it started a torrent of love/hate debate on the Blogabetes front. My own take l on that surprised even myself.
March brought about the sixteenth anniversary of diabetes in my life, but bigger than that I began questioning my control of this disease. What exactly did control mean? And was I doing my part? My brain began to twitch into what April would bring.
Going off the pump. In April, I switched from the pump back to MDI's after a year and 7 months of diabetes h-e-double hockey sticks. I did it for me, for my sanity, and for my A1c. And I honestly have not regretted one single aspect of that decision...even when MDI's has left me fighting all sorts of other battles in these past months.
In May, I fought for my life against the bureaucracy of this disease. I was struggling to find a new endo, but I was also quickly running out of insulin. Yet no doctor seemed to care. Luckily, my CDE got me enough until my next appointment. But those few days of doctor nightmares made me realize how important these aspects of my life are. Insurance, insulin, and involvement.
In the midst of summer classes and Texas heat, I wrote a letter to my future children in June which honestly still leaves even myself in tears when I realize how passionately I can love a child who is nowhere close to existence at the moment. 2009 has been a very eye-opening year in the regard to my own fertility and my future fertility options. And that letter often seals the deal to me, to know that I will love my children with my whole heart and keep both my own and their best interest at the forefront of my mind until my last breath.
I met my new endo in July and she totally blew me away. She was amazing, understanding, and down to earth. Unfortunately, July wasn't all excitement as I struggled to find a neutral ground with my other health issues. That breaking point sent my whole health into a tailspin...but was it worth it?
August didn't give much answer on that front but I kept truckin'.
I realized a little more about myself when I took a broader look at the person in the mirror for September. Even as I worked through going off bio-identical hormones and getting my other conditions straightened out, neither they nor diabetes defined me. And I let myself find a glimmer of scary happiness and hope outside my health world...because my health isn't the only part of me.
October was absolutely chock full of horrible lows. Which left me frazzled, frustrated, and fearful. So I let diabetes do its thing and promised to kick its booty in the future when I knew I had the strength.
I made a lot of changes in November, from Lantus to having my first official drink. I also had endometrial surgery. And I felt like a failure when Accutane, birth control, and that surgery rocketed my A1c into the 8% range.
December 2009 has been rough. From switching Lantus again, Christmas, and just general year-end details for a student, my blood sugars are all over the place, my body is rebelling, and my mind is on the fritz. Yet I'm seeing progress and continuing to hope for the future. 2010 will be as equally changing as 2009...with bumps and bruises and highs and lows. And I can't wait!
