I am on the eliptical trainer, rather lost in the music coming from my Ipod. I'm into the second half of my one hour of cardio for the day. I'm starting to feel a little weak - so I keep my legs moving and grab my test kit from the water bottle slot. I fumble my hands through the test, while my poor legs struggle to remain coordinated. Damn it. 73 mg/dl. This is not good. If I want this work out to continue, I best act fast. Legs still moving, I open the hammer gel pack I'd brought for just such an occasion.

And a very fit woman on the eliptical trainer next to me watches as I slam down half of the gel and try to remain focused on the music and the movement. But it's hard. Because now I'm wishing. Wishing for a one hour work out like the one that woman is so clearly having. Her legs striding, her eyes focused, she looks so strong. What would it be like to work out like that - without worry, without wondering if I might make it through without an extra carb hit?

I glance at this woman, knowing that there are many people who look at her and are envious of her musclar legs, her well-toned abs. And here I am, envious of what lies beneath those abs, envious of the internal functions that keep her bloodsugar perfectly level and that keep her metabolism working without problem. Many people wish their body could LOOK like hers, I wish my body could WORK like hers.

Wouldn't it be amazing to have a pancreas that I don't have to program and tuck into secret pockets? Wouldn't it be amazing if I could trust my body? Wouldn't it be amazing if I didn't always have to double check?

I've heard or read people with diabetes say that they wouldn't wish for another life. That their diabetes has somehow shaped them into a better, stronger person. And I suppose, if I had to give up everything else about myself to rid my world of diabetes, I might not choose that course. But it doesn't stop me from wishing that my pancreas and my metabolism functioned properly. And it doesn't stop me from seeing a body that does function properly and feeling incredibly envious.

Oh, and I'll probably keep wishing (like a goof) on stars and other sundry objects, for a cure.