thadz

This last weekend was a busy one. Between soccer, church, and work we were not able to find the time to do our regular Sunday grocery shopping.

So come Monday I knew I would have to pick up lunch instead of bring it with me to work. For the last 3 months I have completely fallen off the Weight Watchers wagon. I have gained some weight and frankly, I am not in the mood to care right now. Life has been a struggle lately and unfortunately my weight loss drew the short straw.

I have unique situation in that at my work we all have lunch together. We have a big lunch room and we all sit down everyday and eat lunch together. I actually enjoy it because it gives our work a very “family” like feel to it. But like all families, there is always one that drives you nuts. “D” is the one that always seems to know what NOT to say.

Yesterday we picked up sandwiches for lunch and I ordered a Tuna sandwich and a bag of Cheetos. A yummy combination in my book. As I was eating the following dialog took place between “D” and I.

D: (looking at my food) So, it looks like you fell off the wagon huh?

G: No. Actually I jumped right off. No falling. I jumped. (The rest of the people at the table got very uncomfortable at my tone because you could hear how upset I was)

D: Why? Why did you do that? (shaking her head in disgust)

G: I don”t want to talk about it.

D: (she pauses for a moment) Well, if it makes you feel any better I ate 4 pieces of See’s candy over the weekend.

G: It doesn’t. (I said it under my breath but a few people heard me)

D: (laughing) So you see, even saints sin!

At this point I looked at her, chuckled once and got up to finish my lunch at my desk.

I can feel depression tugging at my feet ready to pull me into its pit. Sometimes I want to jump in and just cry for hours and hours about all that is going on in my life right now. I know that would do me no good so I avoid its grasp. So I gain some weight? So I take a break from the weight loss? It was not like I had a Pastrami and even if I did, it is up to me!

Could I say that she was actually worried about me? I guess I could but it did not seem that way. Personally, people who say things like this do not help. It only makes me want to slip into a depressed state and forget about everything.

Avoiding depression is hard enough on your own. But when others are there to push into it’s clutches, it is almost impossible.