It's my time...to appreciate the past.

Dear Mom,

I've probably never thanked you out loud for the years of care that you've put into my life. And I should. Every day of my life. Because you have been the rock, the support, and the lifeline that I've need in the past 16+ years of living with diabetes.

I've heard the way you tell my diagnosis story. I hear the fear in your voice, the emotion run through you. I know that those months were some of the hardest in your life. When you talk about watching me have seizures and bad night lows, I hear that same fear and emotion. I know having a diabetic child must be one of the most difficult things to encounter as a parent. I know it wasn't what you expected or wanted or needed in your only girl.

But you remind me every day that it's strength that gets us through this. The strength that you had to face diabetes head on when I was 4 years old...it's the reminder that I need that I can get through. The way that you helped me face every endo appointment when I was little by taking me to Toys-R-Us after, the annoying way that you stay involved in the bad habits I have with this disease (the lancet changing, the calluses on my fingers, and the urging to go to the doctor for the slightest thing), or the way you sometimes say "we" when it comes to my health...it all lets me know that I'm not alone and I never have been.

So thank you. Thank you for giving up a part of your life to keep mine the best that it could be as a diabetic child. Thank you for carrying my burden as long as you could. Thank you for keeping my innocence protected by avoiding "complication" talks or taking away pieces of valuable childhood (like Easter bunnies, even if they were sugar free). Thank you for being the caregiver for the first nine years of this disease. Thank you for going to diabetes summer camps with me, for taking me to Kerrville for Lion's Camp so I could meet other diabetics, for packing my school lunches.

We both know there is a reason for this disease. Some strange purpose behind the pain and the difficulty. Even if sometimes we forget what it might or could be, it's there. And one of those reasons could be our relationship.

I have no doubt that we would be close no matter what. But our relationship has been tested and strengthened because of this disease. The bond that we have comes from years of leading the same life in regard to diabetes. It comes up in both annoying (like you lecturing me the day before my 21st birthday) and amazing (like the late night talks we have about all sorts of health issues) ways. But nonetheless, it's there.

And diabetes will never take that away. No matter what happens in my future with this disease, whether it's complications or a cure, I know that something good has come of all the heartache. And I'm excited to see how it continues to grow our relationship, as I face my future outside of diabetes with potential marriages, pregnancies, and careers.

Thanks for always being there in the past, even when I'm sure you felt like giving up. Thanks for being here now, as I face all sorts of life changes. Thanks for being there in the future, helping through every twist and turn of this life.

Love You.