It's about once a week now that my college sends out an important "Flu" reminder. Wash your hands, stay at home if you experience symptoms, and seek treatment immediately for the more severe. We've had several reports of swine flu, including some students in my friends' classes. And more and more of my friends are coming down with colds and "flu-like symptoms."

For me, every reminder and every swine flu diagnosis sends a tiny shock-wave through my system. I know that my immune system isn't that of a healthy, non-diabetic. It has its weak spots, its vulnerabilities. Especially lately with all these highs and crazy numbers.

I guess I've known for quite a long time that every illness puts an extra strain on my body. Each cold, each stomach virus, each skin infection gives my body and soul a beating. And I guess I've known all that time that those illnesses were a risk at mortality for me. It isn't a looming thought in my mind. I'm not worried about dying when I'm sick in bed with the flu.

But it is an added concern. A fleeting thought when my fever gets too high. Or a whispered prayer when I can't keep any food down. It's always that question of: is this worth hospitalization or not? It's keeping my blood sugars, my insulin, and ketones in check.

So this whole swine flu scare/pandemic increases those thoughts. My nose started running yesterday and my throat is a little sore today...and I'm trying my hardest not to come down with whatever this is. I'm taking my precautions and measures to increase my immune system, to build my strength.

I'm eating extra fruit and vegetables (which for me, can be the difference of getting a full cold or just sniffling for three days). I'm trying to sleep more, letting myself nap when I feel tired or fall asleep early instead of pushing myself to the brink of exhaustion. I'm more conscious of germs, whether it be using hand sanitizer after opening a door or staying far away from the sneezing, coughing girl next to me in class.

Mostly, I'm trying to get my blood sugars into a lower range. And so far, that's working. Raising my Lantus has already given me a low. And I'm not running in the 180-250 range at all. That extra push is the biggest thing that I can do for myself right now. Because despite my best efforts at remaining germ free, I can't compete with a weakened immune system brought on by a round of high blood sugars.

I'm hopeful that I haven't pushed myself too hard these last few weeks and that my body will be resilient and bounce back quickly. Getting sick at this point would be the straw that broke the camel's back. I have enough to do without worrying about coughs, colds, and fevers. And I have enough to worry about already without needing an extra dose of "is this swine flu? and am I okay?" into my life.

It's always frustrated me that getting sick can be such a huge ordeal because of my diabetes. I handle the sick part just fine. I don't complain when it comes to sniffling, coughing, aches, whatever. The stomach flu isn't my friend, but I still handle the whole thing with grace. But it's the extra stress that I hate.

Because I know that my friend with a cold isn't worried about how her blood sugars are running. She isn't worried that a fever and too little insulin will put her into DKA or worse. Because with diabetes, it's never as simple as it seems. There's always the bigger picture to look at, always the looming doubt overhead that creeps up to scare you with a glimpse of your life flashing before your very eyes.