Quick, top five Halloween candies.

Fine, I'll go first.

5. Baby Ruth
4. Whatchamacallit
3. Twix
2. Kit-Kat
1. Reeses Peanut Butter Cup

And just stop it Cadbury or Mars Inc. or any other bogus chocolate maker trying to come out with your own peanut butter and chocolate treat. Stop it! You're embarrassing yourself. None of you come even remotely close to the brilliance of the Reeses Peanut Butter Cup formula. When the kids get such wannabe candy dropped in their Halloween bags, I instruct them to throw it back from whence it came, like a home run ball to center field from the opposing team.

I love Halloween. It's why I keep having children. I love how into Halloween my small town gets. They close off a road in the borough for a small Halloween fair. Little games where every kid wins candies and prizes. You could smell the sweetness of cotton candy from two blocks away - wafting near the haunted house on Richardson Street. A local favorite plays ragtime while his faithful old dog Boner rests on the top of the piano. Everything is free. Tonight was a gorgeous fall night. I love that Charlie has no interest in cotton candy despite the fact that the other kids we were with were salivating over it. I love that he's so toy hungry that he'll gladly trade in 90 percent of his candy for 10 smackers and a ride to Toys 'R Us.

Four years ago Charlie was 1. He was a cranky little guy and wanted no part of dressing up for Halloween. We did manage to get him out of the house in a makeshift mummy costume, but it was difficult. Twenty minutes in, he looked like nothing more than a pile of jockstraps. The only thing that kept him happy while we went house to house was sucking on lollipops. We just kept feeding him lollipops. Not knowing that he may have had a blood sugar of 400 or 500. Not knowing that in two weeks we'd find out that he had diabetes.

Today, however, I will howl at the moon in happiness as Charlie's numbers today have been spooktacular. See what I did there? I took the word spectacular and I ... eh, forget it. I must go now. I have some peanut butter cup theft to commit while the kids are sleeping.