I was talking recently with a friend of ours whose twelve year old daughter was just diagnosed with type 1. As much as I love my friend, her attitude toward her daughter and her daughter's diabetes scared me a little. She uses the phrase "It's that simple," quite a bit. For example, she recently informed me that she told her daughter 'Sit your butt in the chair and test your bloodsugar. You have to do it - it's that simple.' She continued by telling me that crying about diabetes is not tolerated in her house.

When I informed her that I cry about things related to my diabetes with alarming regularity and that I thought that it might be healthier to give her daughter an opportunity to grieve or be angry about having this disease, she seemed both surprised and open to discussion. She told me that she had been raised to not show emotion and that she thought that she was stronger for it. She had assumed that I must have been raised similarly because of how strong I seem - and because she'd never seen me upset over something diabetes-related and she'd never heard me complain about having diabetes. I explained that, like many other things related to diabetes, the emotional struggle it brings is virtually invisible. I told her that although I don't cry or rage in public, I am sometimes frustrated or sad or angry about having this disease. I also mentioned that I have outlets for expressing my frustration and that I'd be lost without the network of support I've found by writing about the day-to-day and the long-term physical and emotional complications diabetes brings with it.

When I suggested talking with her daughter about how she feels about having diabetes and allowing her to express herself openly and honestly, my friend told me she's afraid of what her daughter might say. I wasn't really sure what to say to that. It must be excruciating to have your child be hurting, scared, angry - to have a child experiencing all of the emotions that diabetes brings. And I would imagine that inviting your child to share those emotions is overwhelming. So, I shared with her information about groups that might be of help - Children with Diabetes, The OC, JDRF, - and suggested that she reach out. And I really do think she will. She is eager to do best by her child. But I know that she is frightened about what lies ahead for them both.

This conversation reminded me of how lucky I am to have had my mother at my side as I grew up with diabetes. As I raged and cried and fought against having diabetes, my mother stood by me, bearing the brunt of my emotions - holding me, reassuring me, allowing me to express my feelings regularly. She never scolded me for crying, she never made me feel anything less than strong - even when I was breaking down or lashing out. And she did all of this instinctively - and pretty much alone. My father didn't live with us and there were really no support groups or internet resources from which she could draw advice or strength.

I owe my mother so much. And I see so much of her in many of the parents around The OC.

Since I gave my friend this web address to check out as a resource, I am hoping that parents on here (both other bloggers and commenters) will share some advice with her. Do you encourage your children to talk about their diabetes, to express their emotions? How do you handle it when they are angry or frustrated or sad? What general advice would you give to a parent of a newly diagnosed child about how to have the difficult emotional conversations?