Lowering my A1c is my diabetes priority at the moment. I'm ready to bump down from the 7.3% that I've been stuck at for the last six months. I'm looking to get back under 7% and head towards 6.5% to achieve another "lowest A1c of all time." But today it hit me that lowering my A1c is really taking a toll on me.

Not only is it increasing my diabetes stress to do everything right (or at least the majority), but it's also creating a domino effect with quite a few other aspects of my life. Things that are "tolerable" but when combined make me wonder if it's worth it. I feel like I'm always in a state of "weighing the consequences:" do I try harder to lower my A1c or do I tolerate the 7.3% and avoid the ill effects?

One thing that I'm hesitant to do at any time (but especially when I'm seeking a lower A1c) is to lower my insulin by much. When I started having all the lows last week, I refused to lower my insulin by more than a unit at a time (per dose of Lantus). I've lowered it by two units now and I'm waiting to see how I respond. But that initial moment that I know I need to do something is the toughest...because if I do too much then I end up high and my hopes for a lower A1c get slimmer and slimmer.

And since I refuse to lower my insulin by much, I have lows...sometimes severe, multiple times a day. Like last week. I ended up having so many lows and having to eat so much and cut workouts short that I've gained a pound back from the six pounds I've lost. Instead of weighing my options to think that the lows are not only dangerous but will make me gain weight, I kept my focus on lowering the A1c and avoiding the high swing that comes with lowering my insulin too much. Now I'm kicking myself for it.

The other thing I've done recently is cut down one of the prescriptions that I'm on to see if I can get better control that way. I take the hormone cortisol every morning and was on a higher dose. My doctor and I decided that lowering it would be a better idea because it didn't seem to be giving me as many positive effects as we wanted...we were concerned that the negatives were going to start kicking in. And a few weeks ago, I decided that I wanted to go completely off of it because I've had such trouble with my morning blood sugars (and I feel like the cortisol is responsible).

But now that I've cut it back and I'm slowly tapering off of it, I'm experiencing the negativity that comes with the lower dose. I'm tired in the afternoons to the point that my eyes sting. I wake up wanting to sleep another few hours, only to realize that sleeping isn't really going to matter. I'm just fatigued. I don't know if that will wear off once I get to the end and "adjust" or if I can increase my thyroid to accommodate, but it's disappointing that I might have to be fatigued in order to get those blood sugars under control.

Overall, it's a tough point to consider if the lower A1c is really worth all this extra effort/chaos. I know that I want a lower A1c because I want to have the option to get pregnant in the next few years. I want a lower A1c because sixteen plus years of diabetes takes a toll on my body. I want a lower A1c because it feels better than struggling the way that I do now with a 7.3. But I don't want to be tired, I don't want to run low, I don't want to gain weight.

So which way do I go? Keep trudging till I get the A1c better and stabilized? Or do I head back to the safety of knowing I'm stable, but not under 7%?