Some thoughts I came up with today while working out on the beach.

The sun hits my face, the presence of the ocean waves is enough to make even the most unaware people stop and look and think. This place feels safe and powerful within me in the deepest parts of my existence. I sit down and face the infiniteness of the sea in front of me. It’s all around. Birds are soaring, some hunting, some settled in the sand protecting themselves from the unforgiving winds that race down the coast. The wind is blowing hard today, enough to knock a person down and remind them of who’s in charge. The air blows past me and through me like it doesn’t even know I’m there, flying over the earth with no purpose - no final destination, no end. It just blows just to blow. It’s beautiful.

I stand up and try to shake the soreness out of my arms and legs. I worked out hard last night. Real hard. I pushed my body through the resistance it put up against all the weights. After that I ran up and down the emergency exit staircase of a random hotel nearby. Up and down, up and down, up and down over and over again. I had accomplished my mission for my training session for the night; I had reached complete and utter exhaustion. I stared down my accumulated demons from the week and fought through all of them.

Now back to the beach.

I got in my fighting stance and began what would end up being the start of another unexpectedly intense session. I tightened up every square inch of my body, flexing and squeezing as I performed the moves slowly. Facing against the wind, I fought to maintain my balance and moved with intense precision. I rotated around and my arm extended in a defensive blocking motion, then a punching one. The sun was shining on the front of my body and then on to my back when I turned around again. I had my iPod on low so I could still hear the water. I was listening to some healing Thi Chi music and going through the motions of the various martial arts.

This was a reflective dance of sorts of the battles I face. I try to eliminate the battles, make them no more. I want peace. Pure peace. To live in harmony with all that is and to accept everything. My body is a reflection of the disharmony of my past. A hardened shell prepared for the physical equal to what my mind makes me afraid of. My body is hard because of all the resistance to what IS. If I’m ready to fight at all times then my being can't be penetrated like it was in 1994. I’m still struggling to let that go. I guess I haven’t accepted that still.

With peace and love,

-Andy