Right before I turned off my computer monitor last night I read an article about diabetes and amputations. The article is startling.

One statistic, “Currently 40,000 legs are amputated in India each year” really freaked me out.

Losing my feet is a major fear of mine. It is the reason I quit smoking. It is what kept me up all night last night.

I tossed and turned for hours on end. Every movement made me aware of my feet and how numb they always are. Neuropathy has taken its toll on my feet and it terrifies me.

I found myself sitting up in bed, rubbing my feet, checking the pulse, holding back tears, looking at my feet imagining them gone, and finally letting some tears fall. I was sitting up in bed at 3AM crying about my amputated feet that are not gone.

All I could think about was my weight gain, and poor BG management these days. I have been eating all the time and have not exercised in a while. I know that none of that is helping but I guess the question I want to ask, I am afraid to.

Facing diabetes and its complications is not easy. Even when it is potential complications. The thought of a future with complications can make each step in life scarier.

Sometimes I lay in bed waiting to stop feeling my feet or anticipating a heart attack. It is bizarre but I do it often.

I am not sure where all this is going right now. I am awaiting more info on CGMS which I believe will help in managing my BG but what to do with these awful thoughts?

The question I am afraid to ask is this, “Is it just a matter of time before I lose my feet because of the way they tingle?”

Asking is not what I am afraid of.

It’s the answer.