What a weekend. What a month really. The past few weeks have been non-stop forward movement for me. Every weekend, I'm heading home for doctor's appointments or JDRF Walks or just "family" time. And all through the week, I'm running between classes, errands, friends, and daily happenings. My to do list is insanely long, filled with essays, exams, oil changes, grocery shopping, and cleaning.

Thankfully, my numbers seem to be settling down. I increased the Lantus dose by one unit back on Wednesday. And it worked until about Friday when I started seeing an endless amount of lows. I was stuck in the 60's, no matter what. So today I've lowered it back down to my usual dosage...hoping that I can get higher numbers, but not too high.

I'm also taking tonight and tomorrow to get some things done on that list of mine. I need a day to just do nothing, but unfortunately won't have that until next weekend probably. Hopefully. Right now, I'm just concerned about all the changes being made in my life.

Because Friday I spent most of the morning at the dermatologists office. It was quite an adventure. I didn't wear makeup, my first time actually leaving the comfort of my home without makeup in probably two years (when I went to the dermatologist last). And I received an interesting doctor's visit.

First I want to say that I'm not fond of this doctor (we'll call him Dr. R). He was young, haughty, and just too high on his stinking horse. But hey, he's willing to give me the top drugs needed to get things under control. It was just the way that he treated me...like I didn't know anything that I was talking about, like my ideas were ridiculous, and like my history wasn't important.

**Side note: I'd desperately like a second opinion but I don't have the time or the funds to see another specialist. Therefore, I have to go with his face value or wait longer to decide.**

He strongly does not believe that it could be rosacea (although he actually didn't listen to my list of symptoms). He's convinced that the bio-identical progesterone is the only reason my face has broken out. He also believes that there is no reason why I should be on it. Although I do agree that the progesterone is what started this whole terrible acne situation, I don't believe that it's a bad drug. It's helped with certain areas tremendously. It's just that the doctor in charge of it moved things too quickly for my body...leaving me with this mess.

But I've decided that I'm going off the progesterone for the time being anyway. I've been slowly lowering it over the past few months...and my face is slowly clearing although it's not perfect. So this month I'll be completely off (and hopefully still sane and able to live "normally"). At the end of the month, I'll be deciding two major things.

The first is whether or not I want to go on birth control...which might help with the acne and the other symptoms I've experienced. And the second is whether or not I want to go on Accutane for my skin. I'm not a fan of birth control (the increased risk of stroke, heart attack, embolism, and reproductive cancers doesn't entice me), but I also know that everything has it's necessary moment of use.

The Accutane also freaks me out with all its side effects. Terrible birth defects, depression, and messing with my lipid levels...all things I'm already at risk for as a diabetic. I'm a purist when it comes to medicine. Give me the natural ways to treat these things and I'm game. Unfortunately, I've tried the natural ways. And nothing has helped.

So now what? Do I take the risks and get my life back on track again? Or do I keep fighting to stay natural and take the risk of not seeing improvement very soon?

I'm so desperate for clear skin, to not need makeup, to not feel so vulnerable at any point. But I'm also desperate to maintain a healthy life for as long as possible. And not put myself at any more risk than I have to. Diabetes always weighs heavily in my mind in these situations.

Waiting till the end of the month is the only way I know to get through this. It'll be my first month without progesterone (so I can see how my skin and my body react). It will also give me time to mull over the different options that I have. I'll also probably be doing a lot of research on the long term effects of both birth control and Accutane, hopefully in specifics of diabetics.