Lately, I've been out of sync.  Off kilter.  In a rut.

I'm not making it to the gym as often as I should.  My meter average has crept from the low 100s to 158 mg/dl in the past couple of months.  I am ignoring the lunches I pack and and either not eating at all or eating whatever crap is available in the office lunchroom. 

I'm not sure exactly how it happens, this out of sorts business.  But it feels like every so often, I go right off the rails without even realizing it's happening.  One day, I think maybe I've got a handle on diabetes, weight, work, life.  And in an instant, it changes. 

I confess, there are times when I know that I'm on the wrong track.  When, in fact, I am the cause of my own impending demise.  I purposefully shirk testing, I plan things INSTEAD of the gym, and I stress myself out at work on an all too regular basis.

But that's not the case this time around.  It is as if someone is playing with time behind my back.  I test at 9am after breakfast and then all of a sudden it's 2 pm and I haven't eaten lunch or tested.  Late nights at work, family stressors and obligations, and various other real-life issues have stood in the way when I've wanted to be working out.  A few times, I've gotten an hour and a half past a meal, feeling totally off, and realized that I never bolused.   

Beyond that, I haven't been able to write about it until now.  The words swimming in my head, usually so synchronized in their bathing caps and makeup, just bob up and down unfettered and unchoreographed.  Writing for anything - work, pleasure, this blog - has been nearly impossible. 

This is a common theme with me.  But why?  How do I let myself get so off-track? 

Fortunately, this time around, things aren't so bad.  In spite of my laziness - my meter average is still well-below the 200 mg/dl level, the numbers on the scale (miraculously) haven't gone up even a bit, and I still have this great job writing about it all here at Blogabetes. 

Once again, though, it's time to pull myself back together.  I'm taking some baby steps in the effort.  I've turned the testing alarms back on in my pump.  I hate the things - but there's no ignoring them and it will force me out of the time-losing that can sometimes happen during my workdays.  I have also set an Outlook alarm that reminds me that I need to eat my bag lunch and that I need to go to the gym.  I've committed to myself that if I realize in advance the gym won't fit into the evening schedule, I'll get out of my office and walk at lunch.  Finally, I've started using some old style writing exercises to get my brain moving in the write direction on that front.  I pulled out a book I hadn't looked at since college the other day, filled with sometimes challenging - always fodder-filled - brain obstacles. 

I'm hoping that these steps will lead me back in the right direction.  But it makes me wonder if my life will always be like this.  If every life is like this.  You cruise along for awhile, then get knocked out of sync, and have to work back into some kind of healthier - happier rhythm.   

What do you all think?