jimward

Today Susanne is meeting with the guidance counselor, Charlie’s teacher, the school nurse and the principal to go over our revised 504 plan. Someone from the district will also be there to make sure everything is legit. I wish I could be there with her but I can’t get out of work.

Sometimes I wonder if we’re going overboard with our 504 plan. It’s sounding less like a constructive 504 plan and more like an unreasonable list of demands.

Take item #4 for instance.

Students in Charlie’s class will be given specific direction about his equipment. No student is to touch his pump, its casing or its tubing. If a student does touch Charlie’s pump, father gains the right to visit the classroom, locate the offending student and eat his or her peanut butter and jelly sandwich right in front of them.

Or #7.

Charlie will be allowed unlimited fluids in classroom, which may include his favorite – Miller Lite. He will also be allowed unlimited classroom access to relieve himself. If, in an emergency, he must pee in his classmate’s Hello Kitty backpack, so be it. Parents will not be responsible for damages.

Or #11.

Charlie’s blood sugar will be tested before any state-wide assessment exams. If blood sugar is less than 80 or greater than 150, father may come into the classroom and complete the exam for Charlie (as long as there’s no math word problems).

Or #12.

The teacher will provide a spot in the classroom for blood-sugar testing. The spot must include a black leather chaise lounge with tufted red velvet scatterback pillows, Wi-Fi access, 48 sugar-free cherries, chandelier lighting and a view of the ocean.

And finally #14.

If Charlie behaves in a manner that is out of character (i.e. disrespectful, crying, belligerent, defiant, silly, lethargic or unable to speak coherently) …

It could be the beer.