ajpscs
I've known him since I was a junior in high school. We met during the years that I wasn't taking care of my diabetes. I don't even remember telling him I was diabetic. I'm sure I did, but I doubt that I made it as detailed of a thought as it should have been.
It took me about two years after I met him to finally get my diabetes act together. By that time, he had moved out of state for college. We barely saw each other, so he never experienced what my diabetes was really like. He didn't experience the terrifying lows or the frustrating highs because he just wasn't around enough to see.
When he was around, I tried to hide my diabetes as much as possible. I never told him I was low. I would just grab the nearest coke. I didn't explain my insulin pump. It was just there, as a weird reminder that something was behind the shadows. One day, he asked me what it was and all I said was "insulin pump" and moved on. I knew he didn't understand what that meant from his response, "Oh, that's not good" but I let it be.
His dad was diagnosed with type 2 shortly after my dad was diagnosed with type 1. We were on similar platforms, but diabetes still wasn't involved in our entertwined lives. It was always a fleeting thought, the general questions, an unspoken bond.
Over the last few weeks, we've started seeing each other more often. More often means more diabetes. I'm having to check my blood sugar when he's around (especially since I'm a fanatic with blood sugar checks recently). My pump vibrates and I can't silence it soon enough. I can't bring myself to approach the diabetes topics (even as simple as telling him I need food because I'm low or explaining the basics of something so important).
He's briefly shown interest in my diabetes world. I tested my blood sugar in front of him for the first time in a long time (have I ever?) and he asked about it. My pump went off and he didn't seem too weirded out. But I can't seem to overcome the way I feel about it, no matter if he's okay with it all or not. I just can't find a comfort level with diabetes in this relationship.
