After a month of contemplation, phone calls, and hassle, I've finally made an appointment with a new doctor. If you haven't followed along, my old endo wasn't being as cooperative or helpful as I wanted him to be. So I decided to pursue a new endo that might walk me through the next few years of my life as I prepare for the "real world," babies, and possibly even marriage. I called several doctors recommended by my pediatric endo, only to find out that my insurance either will not let me see them or I'd have to go about a massive ordeal just to get an appointment.

So after all that, I decided to try the other doctors in my current system. The system that I'm in allows me to go referral-free to any doctor of my choice (which is great when I need to see a rheumatologist, neurologist, or ophthalmologist for any of my other conditions). Staying in that system allows the ease of a new style of endo and keeps the ease of referral-free appointments. But the problem is that I have no idea about any of these other doctors.

Considering it's in the same system, I'm not sure that they will be able to give me some of the things I want (like email or pager access, quality care time, or pregnancy specifics). However, I'm willing to give them a try before I completely desert that system and go for the hassle of a new program. But now my appointment is set for May 28 and I'm not sure I'm prepared.

Sure I've kept up with my logs and will run the computer program sometime in the next week to see trends. But I'm not prepared for a new doctor...I'm not prepared to know if that doctor is going to be the one for me. What questions do I need to ask? What protocol do I follow regarding my old doctor (as in, do I inform this new doctor that I switched because of negative feelings)? All these unknowns, all the explanations...it's a lot of hassle for an A1c, prescriptions, and all that jazz.

I know there are certain things that are very important for me, so I guess I just need to start there. For instance, does this doctor allow email or direct line access? Does this doctor support pursuing other types of treatments without using the CDE? Is this doctor familiar with diabetics who have other conditions like I do? Can this doctor feel comfortable preparing me for a pregnancy in the next five years?

Beyond that, I guess I just want to sit back and judge whether or not I have a "good feeling" for this doctor. It's a woman who started working at the system almost two years ago and trained at a local clinic that I'm very comfortable with. I've decided that I'll go at least twice before completely scratching her name off the list. Most of all, I'm just hoping that she is the fit. I'm hoping that she meets my needs and understands my concerns. I don't want to hear another "A 7.3% is perfectly acceptable." I want to know that someone else has my back and will support me through this disease.

Diabetes can be all-consuming. It's a major stressor at times. It's tough to do it all on your own. And it's something that I've handled on my own for quite some time (since about the age of 10). So after 10 years of being on my own with diabetes, I'm just looking for some support. I'm looking for a team of people who will help me get through the ups and downs, who will look at patterns with me and try to pinpoint where I might need help. I know that I can do it on my own. I have the knowledge and the skills. But it's so exhausting that I'm tired of that way of managing.

I'm ready to open a new door that allows me to depend on a doctor in some way so that the burden becomes a little lighter on my own shoulders. I'm ready for a new era of diabetes management...trying new things and getting new results. I'm ready for a lower A1c and little less stress.