Since I started taking a mood stabilizer nearly two weeks ago as part of my treatment program for bipolar I've had some pretty weird and interesting dreams. And telling, actually.

One of the most memorable was last week when I dreamed I had gotten a job as a manager at Walmart. Though the offer didn't come directly to me; The Mr. had fielded the call. I asked him if I was going to be the manager of the store or just one of the departments. He said he didn't know and told me to hurry up and get dressed because I was already late. I was putting on a faux suede jacket and making sure my earrings matched my outfit. I said outloud to The Mr: "Should I call Jean and tell her? Or should I just go and see how the job is and decide later if I should quit?" Jean is my boss in real life.

That was a pretty funny dream and I enjoyed sharing it with the folks in my office.

And last night's -- while fairly disturbing on the surface -- was indicative of my feelings about starting a portrait photography business. Last night's dream had me taking photos of a family I had a session with in real life. As I reached down to pick up the baby, who was about six to eight months old in my dream, I managed to crack her skull. Yeah, pretty disturbing. I hadn't done anything other than pick her up. 

My theory is that my subconscious is reminding me that life is fragile, and so is my photography career. (The baby in my dream was fine, by the way.)

I emailed a friend who often helps me interpret dreams. She reminded me that many of my dreams seem to be centered around my own lack of confidence. Sometimes it takes someone else pointing out the obvious for me to see it.

And yet, while I'm dreaming about the fragility of my photography career that's in its infancy I'm also reminded that being my own worst critic can be a good thing. The Mr. constantly tells me that I'm a fantastic writer and a wonderful photographer while I'm nit-picking the details.(And I remind him that he *has* to say those things since we're married.)

If I thought I was perfect, I wouldn't have room to grow.