So last night, I did the Dumbest Thing Ever. I had a couple of glasses of wine while we had family over, celebrating a birthday, and after they left, I went to bed and turned on the television. And what was on?

Steel freakin' Magnolias.

I haven't watched that movie since about a year after Olivia was diagnosed. I tried watching it then and bawled my eyes out. Well, guess what? I did it again last night. Mark was asleep beside me and I had to hold my hands over my mouth to keep from sobbing out loud. It was awful. I couldn't finish watching it.

I really thought it would be ok, that enough time has passed, she's had diabetes for almost 11 years now, you'd think I wouldn't get quite as worked up about it. Well, you'd be wrong. When Julia Roberts starts having a low blood sugar in the hairdresser's, in the opening scenes of the movie, the waterworks started and they never really stopped.

I like to think that I don't spend my time with my head buried in the sand, ignoring the serious effects that diabetes can and does have on my daughter's life, but watching Steel Magnolias is a little bit more than my heart can take. It ripped me apart to see the fear in Sally Fields' eyes as she watched her daughter deal with this disease. It looked so genuine and real and raw.

It's an awful, awful feeling to know that this child, whom I love more than life itself, has this disease and there's not a damned thing I can do about it. It kills me a little inside every day.

But I didn't need Steel Magnolias to drive another nail in my coffin.