Diabetic Recipes
When I woke up this morning I didn't notice anything different. I heard my kids running around getting their stuff together for school. I sat up and walked directly to the bathroom to shave and shower as I do every day. I turned on the water and sat my pump on the counter just like yesterday and a lot like tomorrow.
Before I wet my face I caught of glimpse of myself in the mirror and stared at the infusion site on my stomach. I saw this medical device stuck to me like an IV or something. I noticed the curliness of the 43" tubing running from the site to my pump. I looked at my face and saw a tired guy. A guy that has a lot of choices and plans foiled because of this disease.
Maybe it was because my site has been on my thigh for so long and I just did not notice it before but without my shirt on, I felt uncomfortable. Like a freak who has to be tethered to this thing. Maybe I need to go back to MDI treatment for a while? I am not sure that is it at all.
I started crying like I did as a child. I had to hold back audible tears so my kids would not hear. It was awful. It was almost as if I was just diagnosed again. I felt that twisting in my stomach of hopelessness. The emptiness inside because I was and am different. Time does not stop even when you need a moment to gather your thoughts so I had to push through it.
My brain has been trying to understand why these days happen seemingly for no reason. All of a sudden it hits me, "I will always have diabetes" and I lose it. I am not a pessimistic normally but something changed.
Or maybe it's because, nothing did.
I know how you feel. I had a similar breakdown last weekend; my husband made French toast, but I had to push my plate aside and miss out on this special treat because my BG was too high. I was (and still am) so tired of having to manage my life around diabetes, it just reduced me to tears. Hang in there, we're all with you in this fight.
Thanks. It does help to know I have so many online that I can go to for support.
I am sorry for your breakdown. It can be so exhausting.
For me, I am usually perfectly fine with wearing the insulin pump, playing with it in public or even having my tubing exposed. But there is something about the site itself that just irritates the hell out of me. I don't normally cry about it or anything but I absolutely hate looking at myself naked with that thing on because it just looks so foreign on me. Of course, when I went on shots, I started bruising pretty badly, and that was almost as bad. There really is no winning with diabetes.
that was the weird thing. I show my pump off all the time. It just hit me in a weird way.
You know what you guys? I think it is very normal for us all to feel these things. I know I do.
I also think that despite all of this wonderful technology we have (and am very thankful for), it is still very primitive and crude. We're squirting stuff under our skin to try and manually manage blood sugars.
A bum deal if you ask me.
I think it's great that you wrote about your sadness. So often, we emphasize the positive parts of our lives, which is great. But it's important that we all know there are times when the battle gets to us. Thank you.
My code (below) for sending this comment is - are you ready??!! - e a t -
I agree that we should share what we are feeling especially when it is the hardest. I always feel somehow silly for letting the "world" know that I was crying like a baby. I figure if it makes one person feel normal then it is worth it.
Love the Code word. very funny.
It's true, what you've said. Normally, I can handle the testing, the counting carbs, the tubing getting stuck on random stuff ... but sometimes, it seems overwhelming and I break down. Luckily, the good times far out number the bad, and I constantly remind myself that I am lucky to be alive, surrounded by people that love me. From what I've read about you and your posts about your family, it seems like you have the same around you. Take Care!
I am so very tired and sad about trying to deal with my type 2 diabetes. I find myself being sad more often and rarely getting much pleasure from family, friends or life in general. I suppose I will cycle out of this as winter becomes spring and then summer. For now I will continue to do the best I can.
I wish you the best. I find I fall in and out of depression now and then. It still catches me by surprise and each time it hits me I feel like I am blindsighted. Diabetes sucks that is for sure.
Good luck.
I'm a type 2 diabetic on insulin 4 times a day.
I know how you feel about the emotional swings.
Two things: Did you know that depression is
very frequent in diabetics? I have a very
positive attitude about my diabetis, but would
have real mood swings in the beginning. After
talking to my endo dr., we decided to put me on an anti-depressive. It took several tries with the meds before we found one that worked. I'm currently taking 1x20mg of Lexapro a day and no more mood swings/depression or temper tantrums. Secondly, you have to keep a positive attitude about all this. You have to wear that pump as a badge of honor. You are alive and the alternative is far worse. This is also a disease that is in fast track research with new and better facts and treatments every day. strong. Of all the diseases to have, this is the one that is manageable. At 59, I have survived uterine cancer and am currently waiting on a liver transplant. Diabetis is easy. Instead of an insulin pump, it could be a heart pacemaker. Be strong :0)
I have beeen a diabetic for 31 years. And through the years I myself have broke down and complained about being a diabetic. I am tired of testing and taking 5 - 6 shots a day. Planing how my day will go. I have diabetes on the mind everyday. If you go away you need to plan in advance. It just never leaves. I do not care if you are a male or a female we all have the same emotions. It is just so frustrating. I was saying to a friend yesterday, I know how terrible it is to get cancer or another illness like cancer.But at least they now their outcome. Hopefully they all go into remission. We never do. But we are trying to stay healthy by following diets and taking medication on time etc. Sorry if I sound like I am rambling. It is great to know other people who have the same thoughts and experiences I do.
ellyhell god bless you. I guess I have nothing to complain about. But you are right about the antidepression medication. I started taking them for hotflashes about 3 years ago. They do help with the depression, but sometimes you just need to feel sorry for yourself and have a good cry. Then pick up the pieces and move on. Good Luck.
I thought the pump look only bothered us women. Thanks for sharing George. I don't mind the pump on my clothing but when you are standing in front of the mirror naked it is a feaky sight, (ha no pun intended)