It's so easy to slide back into old habits with diabetes. I do really well for a week, two weeks, sometimes I make it a whole month. Then life starts catching up and I realize that doing all these details with this disease is just really weighing me down.

So I slip up. Here and there, I skip a blood sugar check or forget to log something. And over time, all those tiny mess-ups add up to a lack of information that really hurts in the end. It hurts because it leaves me wondering what caused a certain number or why my averages just aren't heading any lower.

Right now, I'm right in the middle of all that. I did really well for about a week with keeping track of insulin injections and carb intake. Then I got burned out on life...school, diabetes, this whole pill issue. It all added up. And now I'm behind on the logging. I've missed important carb counts. I've stopped checking my blood sugar as much.

And I know that I can make excuses all day long. I can say how I had five tests last week, two this week, plus three research papers. I can say how all I wanted to do last weekend was hang out with my friends, eat poorly, and have a little relaxing fun. It's all fine and well when I'm making every excuse in the book.

But when I sit down and log the information, I'm going to realize that in the midst of all those excuses, my blood sugars weren't where they should have been or I'm unsure of what caused a sudden spike or drop. I'm going to realize that I'm making it so much harder on my diabetes management by skipping on this information.

Yet I just can't bring myself to say that I'll keep with it. I can't say that I won't let the excuses, let life get back in the way. I'm not exactly ready to get "hard-core" with this disease.

So when will I be? Next year? After graduation? After I've settled into a job? Once I'm married? Once I plan a family? I can't keep putting it off.

No, it isn't like my averages are in a danger zone (well they were for about a month there). My A1c is still normally kept fairly "low," but it doesn't matter when I'm not trying as hard as I know I could be. It doesn't matter if I'm skipping on things that could lead to a drop in those numbers.

I want to be inspired to manage more aggressively. I want to log all these numbers, not slip up, and not get burned out on this or any other aspect of my life. But diabetes and my overall health conditions make it tough. They make it so much harder than it should be.

And right now, I just plainly do not have the energy to keep up with it in such detail. I don't have the energy to log all the time, to calculate so accurately, to stress so much. All I want right now is to get through this last round of tests for the semester, have some time with friends, and hire a maid.

There are so many other facets of life that I need to catch up on (like laundry, vacuuming, writing my last research paper). Diabetes is just going to be on the backburner. Until I get another inspiration. Until something lights under me again and I take off for a little while to manage this disease. Until it seems more important.