Logging. It is something every diabetic should do. It is important in terms of identifying patterns and making decisions about dosing - and it is vital to figuring out when you need to be paying more attention and where your problem areas are in the course of a day. I remember the bad old days of handwritten logbooks. They were cumbersome and not at all useful, even when they were kept up and brought to the doctor. Technology has come a long way and there are many great tools available for logging everything we need to be tracking. But, for me at least, logging is still an excruciating task.

It isn't the actual entry that makes logging so difficult. It is the black and white of it. The numbers that won't be ignored once they're plugged into a program. It is all of that data that only seems pattern-like every so often, all of those nonsensical dips and swings. It is seeing, in physical form, the difference just a miniscule amount of insulin or an hour of exercise can make. I almost feel that by logging, I am giving the numbers power. And by logging, I am presenting myself with yet another measure that my self-critical brain uses to judge my success at life.

I write the numbers down. I swallow hard, get misty, and feel guilty when I have to log a number above 200 mg/dl - even if the number makes no sense and the elevation isn't directly related to something I've done. I rejoice secretly - or openly - when entering numbers in the 70-150 mg/dl range. And, when I'm lower than 70 mg/dl, I treat and then enter the number, aggravated that it's yet another out of range - but relieved that it won't push my average up any further. If I have a day that's totally out of range, or one that holds a whole lot of highs or lows, it takes every ounce of my will to get on the computer and download my meter or type in those results.

Now - I know that the numbers would be the numbers, even if I didn't record them. I know that I'd feel some level of guilt or joy whether I was writing them down or not. But, seeing them in lines and giving them a physical space in the landscape of my life - outside of the meter where they reside - seems to make them more emotionally impactful. And giving them that kind of influence goes against my very nature.

Sometimes, letting another set of eyes into the world of those numbers helps. Whether it's a doctor, the CDE, or a friend with an understanding of diabetes, another person's perspective often sheds light on things I wouldn't have seen if left to my own devices. More importantly, if someone else can look at them and not find me weak or bad or stupid - if someone else can look and assure me that there are times when the numbers just don't make sense or that a high bloodsugar that I couldn't prevent isn't a reason to beat myself up - I feel more confident in feeling that way myself. If another person can look and tell me I'm doing the best I can, I am more inclined to believe that I am, in fact, doing the best I can. Of course, sometimes, showing my numbers to another just makes me even more embarassed by the times I've faltered, more overjoyed by the times I've had success. I know it may seem silly, but the presence of another set of eyes, another brain on the scene, eases some of the anxiety I have about logging.

What about you?

Do you log?

Does it stress you out?

How do you ease tension around logging?

How do you make the process, the actual physical writing or typing of results, easier?