I am extremely irritated with my blood sugars and myself lately. I wish that I could just throw in the towel, I'm that frustrated. But I know I can't, because if I do...I stop living. I'm just so overwhelmed with the fact that no matter what I do, diabetes doesn't cooperate.

Since my Accutane dosage was raised, my blood sugars have started bouncing all over the place again. From 299 to 348 to 205 to 280. It's never-ending. It's frustrating. It makes me want to chunk the insulin and the meters out the window.

And on top of the blood sugar side effects, Accutane (or something!) is throwing lots of wrenches into my life. I'm getting migraines. I'm spacey. I'm fatigued. I'm lacking all motivation. And I'm just generally feeling like I want to quit it all.

I know that it's just frustration building from all that I have to handle. It's the Accutane not exactly working these past two weeks as I've had two major breakouts that leave me feeling broken and hopeless. It's the fear that the PCOS will leave me battling this stupid symptom forever. It's the overwhelming fact that I have to manage diabetes with all this interference.

My averages are in the middle 200's and I'm raising my Lantus tomorrow to 26 units instead of 24 in the morning. I'm going to leave my evening dose at 14 units for the moment. I don't want to change too much, but I also don't want to change too little.

My body cannot handle all these highs, but I don't know what to do. I can keep raising the insulin, but it doesn't seem to be helping. The fatigue is worsened by the highs. The ever-present yeast infection in my life is still...present. And the dry skin from the Accutane is inflamed and painful. My poor immune system. My poor organs.

I will not stop the Accutane. I have to persevere, even if it means elevated blood sugars for the next ten weeks. But I wish that they would come back down. Or that there was something else that I could do.

I'm very anxious to see what my endo says about going on an insulin resistance drug. My appointment is next Friday (the 15th) and that feels like a lifetime away. I know my A1c will come back terrible again (8.6% in November), but there is nothing that I can do about it. This is NOT my fault!

I'd love to try the Metformin or some other type 2 drug to possibly curb the insulin resistance that I'm experiencing on the Accutane. It also might help the occasional insulin resistance that I experience throughout the rest of the year due most likely to PCOS. Multiple internet searches have shown that Metformin can stabilize periods, reduce hirsutism, and even resolve acne in a few cases.

Guess it's just a waiting game again. Waiting to see if the higher Lantus dose works. Waiting to see if she'll put me on Metformin. Waiting to see if Accutane will truly work...just waiting.