...I don't want to make the effort. This has absolutely nothing to do with the amount of insulin I take or optimal blood sugar control--although those aspects of dropping a few pounds would certainly be welcome.

I simply hate the way I look. I can't stand how I look in a mirror. I wonder all the time if people are staring at my thunder things or three-baby-having flabby abdomen. Realistically I know I'm the one focusing on these issues, but as a girl I still wonder what others think.

It's ironic, but I find myself being judgemental of other plus-size women. How can she be taken seriously when she's so chunky? I'm sure the judgements go both ways, and I suppose this affects my self-confidence in a way I haven't been able to truly see.

It's easy to pick apart all the things that I don't like about my body, and I don't look at myself too long in a mirror, and I often imagine how other people see me.

I know how to lose weight. Heck, I've done it a hundred times before (lather, rinse, repeat). I know I'm an emotional eater (a fact I have exploited in the past) and I also eat when I'm bored. Not to mention that as a "desk jockey" I've become accostomed to snacking while I work (just like the Seven Dwarves. Or not).

Frankly, these are all excuses. The bottomline is that I simply love to eat. I love food. I love candy. I'm having a torrid love affair with chocolate. I've tried all kinds of tricks and rewards to get myself under control, but I haven't been able to stick with anything because, well, I love food too much.

Now don't leave a comment about how I'm killing myself and I'll only regret this behavior in 20 years. I already know that. And that bothers me even more. That I have the foresight to see and know where this will lead me and still choose to ignore it.