There. I said it. I have been saying that a lot lately. When The Mr. wants to know what's wrong I can often sum it up by saying, "I hate diabetes."
I'm having trouble dealing lately. I know people want to help. I know that when someone says, "It's a way of life," that they're trying to help. I know that when someone suggests I take a walk that they have my best interests at heart.
So why does it just make me want to cry? Why does it make me want to put my head through a wall? Why does it make me want to ignore diabetes and curl up in a ball in a corner? Why can I accept help from people some times and not others?
I hate diabetes. I hate what it does to my mind. I hate that it makes me feel so sh*tty sometimes. I hate that people don't get how relentless this disease is. I hate that I think about my blood sugar all. the. freaking. time. And that people just don't get that. I hate that I can't go for a walk with my kids or shopping without wondering if I'll go low.
I hate that I know people are thinking "She shouldn't be eating that." I hate that I have to censor my blog and bite my tongue. I hate that no matter how much I explain why diabetes is different for me than for someone else that people still think they know more or think I'm exaggerating or trying to cover up the truth. Or harp on only one thing I've said.
I hate that I can't find time to exercise. I hate that people think I'm dying because I've gained weight and can't fit exercise into my busy schedule. I hate that I can't be more receptive when people offer me help.
I hate diabetes.
And ALL God's children said AMEN!
Oh... I forgot to mention. The Bible verse is John 11:1-4.
Oh... I forgot to mention. The Bible verse is John 11:1-4.
DITTO! DITTO! DITTO!
wow i felt the same way when i was first diagnosed two years ago in the month of march. Things however do get better do let people in a good support system is key just make sure they know when they are pushing too hard.
OMG!! You said it perfectly how I feel too!! I hate this F%^&ing disease so much some times I just wanna freaken die!! I know how you feel and I can relate so!! I've been dealing w/ this for 7 yrs now and I've seen others w/ this disease that have lost toes,fingers,their hair,lost abilty to have sex!!, I think that fear of that stuff happening to me is the reason I try to do my best at maintaing my ac1 at a normal range..I just just back from the doctor and when I was there my bloodsuger was at about 240 something and then they gave me a shot and when I got back home I was sweating and my roomates where like "man!! your diabetes again huh?" and hissed at me ...and walked away like I did something awful ...this disease has cause so much trauma in my life I hate it so!!! and yea that stuff about thinking about your bloodsuger all the time...I go through that too and then there are the complications!!! oh what a joy!!!my legs are getting small bumps and i dont "perform" like I use to...I'm always sick, there is always something due to this sh^%!! gaw sometimes I wanna just end it all !!! my only hope is that a cure comes soon ..then I think I will break down in cry out of joy!!! anyone want to email me FFXTIDUS7 at Aol
OMG!! You said it perfectly how I feel too!! I hate this F%^&ing disease so much some times I just wanna freaken die!! I know how you feel and I can relate so!! I've been dealing w/ this for 7 yrs now and I've seen others w/ this disease that have lost toes,fingers,their hair,lost abilty to have sex!!, I think that fear of that stuff happening to me is the reason I try to do my best at maintaing my ac1 at a normal range..I just just back from the doctor and when I was there my bloodsuger was at about 240 something and then they gave me a shot and when I got back home I was sweating and my roomates where like "man!! your diabetes again huh?" and hissed at me ...and walked away like I did something awful ...this disease has cause so much trauma in my life I hate it so!!! and yea that stuff about thinking about your bloodsuger all the time...I go through that too and then there are the complications!!! oh what a joy!!!my legs are getting small bumps and i dont "perform" like I use to...I'm always sick, there is always something due to this sh^%!! gaw sometimes I wanna just end it all !!! my only hope is that a cure comes soon ..then I think I will break down in cry out of joy!!! anyone want to email me FFXTIDUS7 at Aol
For all of you out there that hate this disease of type 1 diabetes, hey, join the crowd!! I have had this disease for 40 years, and I still hate it! It will never get better until a CURE is found. I have prayed for a cure since the age that I got the diagnosis! Sometimes I am so sick of having to deal with so many things that people with a normal working pancreas do not have to put up with, like changing my pump, having to go to my endocrinologist every 3 months, having to deal with the calloused fingers that don't always give me blood with the first prick, I could go on, but I won't. No, it somehow isn't fair that I was chosen to put up with all of this, but I was, and I can only take it day by day! I have a lot of life experience that a lot of people have never, and hopefully never will have to deal with, and boy if I only knew how to write a book! I certainly could use some extra money!! Well, it feels good to vent, and I feel good knowing that there are other people that feel the same as me also. Hang in there everyone! Say a prayer. They always say prayer helps!
I've been type 1 diabetic for 37 years..I'm so tired of this life. The highs and lows of bloodsugar, heart disease, bad eyes, overweight, depressed, frozen shoulders, just the all over feel of being tired all the time..I've been taking steroid shots since this past October for the frozen shoulders and for two weeks my face has ballooned double size..not sure if it's from the steroid or my kidneys may be giving me problems..I have had considerbly high protein in my urine for years..Anyway,Sometimes, I just don't want to live anymore..any of you feel this way? Thanks for taking time to read this..