There. I said it. I have been saying that a lot lately. When The Mr. wants to know what's wrong I can often sum it up by saying, "I hate diabetes."
I'm having trouble dealing lately. I know people want to help. I know that when someone says, "It's a way of life," that they're trying to help. I know that when someone suggests I take a walk that they have my best interests at heart.
So why does it just make me want to cry? Why does it make me want to put my head through a wall? Why does it make me want to ignore diabetes and curl up in a ball in a corner? Why can I accept help from people some times and not others?
I hate diabetes. I hate what it does to my mind. I hate that it makes me feel so sh*tty sometimes. I hate that people don't get how relentless this disease is. I hate that I think about my blood sugar all. the. freaking. time. And that people just don't get that. I hate that I can't go for a walk with my kids or shopping without wondering if I'll go low.
I hate that I know people are thinking "She shouldn't be eating that." I hate that I have to censor my blog and bite my tongue. I hate that no matter how much I explain why diabetes is different for me than for someone else that people still think they know more or think I'm exaggerating or trying to cover up the truth. Or harp on only one thing I've said.
I hate that I can't find time to exercise. I hate that people think I'm dying because I've gained weight and can't fit exercise into my busy schedule. I hate that I can't be more receptive when people offer me help.
I hate diabetes.
And ALL God's children said AMEN!
I hate it too. :-(
i now diabetes is hard but dont let it slow down i have it too but stay strong and hope u understand i have type 1 diabetes one my sugar to 600 so be greatful
i love diabetes and it blessing but somtime my blood sugar get high but it not stop me in anyway at all love diabetes god give it to u has a gift not a sin dont hate it
For a moment, I couldn't remember when I wrote that on this blog. Then it hit me... I DIDN'T write it. This is the first time in 20 years that I've heard of someone else who feels EXACTLY the way I do. Thank you for letting me know that I'm, in fact, not alone for feeling that way.
I hate it so bad too, that I would rather die than deal with it one more day. I hate it when I try to talk to someone about it, they say, "Well at least it's not cancer." Honestly, I WOULD rather have cancer. Either you are lucky and make it through, than most likley not get it again, or you don't and go to a better place, only without your disease. I HATE it even more when people say they love diabetes. You are not being honest, and true to yourself. Maybe you deal with it better than others, but you don't love it. Come on.
When I tell people I would rather have cancer they look at me like I am crazy. Being a diabetic rules every minute of my life. I switchen from my family doctor to an endocronologis after many years because my A1c went from 6.5 to 8.0. He took me off ALL my insulin and put me on pills and said no more crrutches for me! He said you need to do this on your own, with diet and exercise. So I have been doing this for 2 weeks and my sugars ARE actually normal without the 50 units of Humalog and 80 units of lantus but seriously 1/2 C of pasta. I am so unhappy!
The next time someone tells you, at least it is not cancer, you should tell them that it is a chronic disease that will never leave your body and you will always have to work diligently to manage it and sometimes that does not work. And any event the end result in all cases is death. Although cancer may be more painful, you still run the risk of dying of heart disease, getting your foot(s) amputated or going blind. I hate it when people compare diseases. Diabetes is no comparison to anything...you have to monitor routinely everyday and medicate, medicate, medicate. Anyone that says they love this disease or any disease has issues.
Michelle, i hate diabetes also, but i love you for writing this blog and saying out loud what i feel every day. *hugs you*
I just joined. I hate diabetes too! the mangement for me is a nightmare. I have the same mood swings. I feel like Sh**t at least four tmes a day. I can feel my blood sugar coming down and going up. I can go on forever and ever ....Pat
I told my doctor the other day that i would rather have Cancer!
I hate it too. I don't even have it but I have two kids with it and my husband is diabetic. It controls lives.
I hate it also. I don't even have it but I have two kids and a husband with it.
I ditto everything you said in your blog. It really freakin' makes me mad.
Hey guys - I have had cancer and diabetes showed up when I had a kidney removed because of cancer. Trust me, you wouldn't rather have cancer??? but Diabetes is a "pain" because you don't live a minute without having to think about it. Maybe you should see a nutritionist and help you get thru this. God be with you.
I always say that to. But what i found out is that it is always good to have some one there for you to get you through the day sometimes. eather a really good friend or family, they are always there no matter what day i am going to have with my diabetes. No matter how i push to be jsut left alone they wont and keep telling me to do the dest i can.
I don't know if "hate" is a strong enough word to define how I feel about diabetes. Since it ravaged my heart, I had the thrill of receiving a stent 2 years ago. It killed my lifelong best friend 6 months ago, long before we should have been seperated and I am so lost without her. I want doughnuts, chocolate cheesecake, shrimp alfredo, a smoothie, and lots of tacos. And, PLEASE, don't mention low-fat, carb-free versions of these. I eat enough stuff wrapped in lettuce leaves now that I feel like my ears are starting to grow longer and my nose is twitching. How could any sane person "LOVE" diabetes?
I do not love diabetes. I hate it at times, but it makes me sad to see so many comments that diabetes makes people hate their lives. Diabetes causes a huge lifestyle change and that is difficult, but you can still live. If you are not getting the proper support and treatment I hope you are able to seek it out. I've been living with type 1 diabetes for 21 years. I would be lying if I said I didn't want a future without the disease, but I am glad that I've had a fulfilling life with the disease.
I am soooo with you on this one - I hate it, hate it, hate it! I was diagnosed 7 years ago, and I hate it to the point that I ignored it for several months this past year, and I'm now paying the price with an A1c of 12.2 and having to deal with the havoc it has wreaked on my gums. I am back to trying to do what I am supposed to do, although it is soooo frustrating having to focus on diabetes constantly. Hang in there!
Hey Guys...
I REALLY friggin' hate diabetes too...and I AM a cancer survivor (two different locations). Guess what? You don't really wish you had cancer instead of diabetes do you?
But yesterday I got some bad news from my GP, uric acid levels are way up...Cholesterol is sky high too, (and I am on Vytorin..go figure!)
and all the joints in my left leg are in agony!
It seems like all my meds have deadly side effects and today I feel like I won the s#it lottery.
No one does understand how we feel...except for here...
You guys understand.
If one more doctor says I need to lose 50 lbs...I am going to go POSTAL.
You gotta be able to be ambulatory to work out...hey how about fixin' that doc?!?
I have doubled my weight since becoming diabetic 10 years ago. My doctor was furious with me about being 200 lbs overweight and why don't I just exercise! Did I mention that I have severe arthritis as well as about a dozen other syndromes and disorders since I got diabetes. And I was trying to explain to him that I can hardly walk let alone exercise. He made me feel like crap. I changed doctors. However, I did find a pool at the local community center and I began to drag myself there three times a week. It really helped with my stiffness and mobility. Then I stopped going (because the chlorine was doing horrid things to my skin) and went right back to feeling wretched all the time. If you can get to a pool go try it. Don't start with a water aerobics class, it's too hard at first. Just walk, move your body around. The feeling of being almost weightless and graceful is exhilarating and improved my attitude in general. It made me want to eat healthier. Live healthier. Only I DIDN'T think about my bs levels, or what a pain this disease is. I made an effort to not dwell on it because it's such a bummer. When you can't move around your whole life sucks. I hope you will be able to try this and find the same success I did. Blessings.
Being only 36, after having Type 1 for 25 years (or rather IT having ME!) I soooo understand where you are coming from! I am tired of my fella telling me how HE would do a better job of taking care of himself than I take care of myself! I know he means well and all but GOD! I AM SO SICK OF THIS STUPID A** DISEASE!!! First one eye blows out, and after countless surgeries, I get my vision back...now the other! My short term disability refuses to pay because guess what? It's all due to a PREEXISTING CONDITION!! Well, HELLO??? Anything that happens to me from here on out is more than likely due to a PREEXISTING CONDITION!!!! i'm just TIRED, more than anything...I gain a TON of weight because they keep uping my insulin because I am now insulin resistant..Doesn't anyone besides me realize that insulin is a GROWTH hormone??? Of course if I have to keep taking 30units to come down from a 400 bs I'm gonna gain weight! UGGG! I know I am whining, but it's SOOO good to vent without being judged by people who LOVE you but simply CAN'T UNDERSTAND!!!~~~Jennifer:)
I hate having it too. Everything is an effort lately, but I have gotten back to exercise and that is helping my numbers. Some days are better than others. I guess that we all just have to hang in there. Thank you for speaking my voice.
I could not of said it better myself and yes hate,hate, hate it, every day, every decision, always thinking ahead where and what to eat when traveling, having to tote my breakfast and lunch to work everyday so not to make a decision or be tempted if the co-workers are ordering in. The weight gain that comes along with some of the meds. The hiddend sugars in our food. Yes hate is the word.
I hate it as well and I feel exactly like you do.
I hate that I have to worry every time I THINK my feet are cold. I normally have very warm feet and always have. I hate that I have to be fearful that my sugar is running high, but I can't afford to buy the damn test strips to even test it twice a day! I hate that when I do have test strips and do test I end up feeling pissed off and frustrated if it is over 80 (and it tends to run high in the morning 220 to 240 last time I could afford the strips a YEAR AGO)and lower 65 TO 80 in the early evening as a rule) so I end up scared that there is untold damage being done to me inside that I can't even afford to go get the 6 mo test at the doctor's office because I have no health insurance!!!! I hate worrying about this, even through I've been loosing weight SLOWLY and carefully the past 8 years and am not even very fat now. I hate feeling tired after I eat, I hate being afraid and I hate it that I can't afford to monitor it or see the doctor like I know I should to help manage it. God help me if I reach a point of needing medications...I can't afford that either!!!! I HATE THIS CRAPPY SITUATION!
Hi This message is for redhawk-
Accu chek will send you free testing supplies if your qualify. Look up the Roche Pharmaceutical patient assistance program. Also you might see if you can qualify for Medicaid or an instate medical program like that. Perhaps contacting your state SRS office (social and rehabilitative services) and see what you could qualify for or if they know of a clinic or some other free/low cost help with medical care near where you live.
I don't have insurance either and I am waiting on a Medicaid determination decision and I get free supplies from Accu Chek. I didn't know about any of this until after I was diagnosed in Agust of 08. We have to be persistant and not allow ourselves to fall through the cracks. I hope this gives you some ideas. Don't lose hope and take care. God bless and watch over you during your trials.
Thanks for the support and good advice..I have an Acu-check Advantage....and I'll be checking it out!
Take heart dear one. There is help out there for those of us that can't afford the needed care for our disease. Get online and check for "health expos/fairs" and free "health screenings" in your area. They might not have them but two or three times a year but you can get a blood workup that will at least give you some idea or how you're doing. The pharmaceutical companies have "patient assistance programs" for low income folks like us. You can get certain meds for free if you are poor, like me (I'm on disability). Also, call your local hospital, see if they have any programs for diabetics, tell them you are unable to pay and ask for help. It's out there, you just have to ask for it. I have had to utilize a lot of these programs so I know what I'm saying. I will be glad to give you more information if you'd like. You can't let yourself live like this when there are alternatives. And there's a hidden blessing. You learn to eat humble pie.
Another good idea...than you for sharing it! PIE! oh goody...humble or otherwise...mmm pie! At least Humble pie won't raise my BS...hee hee
I found out almost 5 years ago that I have type 2 diabetes and since I knew others with it, it wasn't as bad. This last weekend I finally decided im tired of it... I went on an eating binge and ate everything I could, lol.. Since Jan. 1st, I've been eating very healthy and exercising everyday for at least 30 minutes or more, and I've lost a total or 2 pounds! Yes, 2 lbs! It made me so mad that I figured I might as well eat everything I want so I did, lol... Im tired of trying to do everything right and getting no results. Anyway for those who might need motivation to exercise, join sparkpeople.com. Its free and a great place to get motivated. They also have lots of groups to join that are diabetics.
Also to redhawk, you might try ebay for diabetic supplies too. They're a lot cheaper their than in the store. Good luck everyone! Im with you...
Thanks...nothing ventured nothing gained!
I have been Diabetic for almost 26 years(and I am only 32). I completely understand your sentiment, Michelle. Diabetes is all consuming...it can quickly take over everything. And non-diabetics are so unsympathetic. I try to explain to them that even if I do everything perfectly, things can still go bad.
My biggest problem is with, believe it or not,low A1C's--at the moment, mine is 5.1. I have had 2 seizures in the past 4 months that have scared the sh*t out of me and my husband. I don't want to die like that and leave my precious daughter behind....
But I also hate, hate, HATE Type 2's crying all the time because they have to exercise, watch their diet,and take pills. PILLS!! I would give my left arm to stop taking shots. I freaking wish I could pop some pills and be done with it. I want to scream when someone tells me: How can you be Diabetic? You are so young and slender! I wish that they could rename type 2 diabetes.
I also hate my diabetes. It was one year ago on Jan 29 2008. I was having chest pain and went to the emergency room. I did get a double whammy that day 2 partially blocked and arteries and then told I had diabetes..I knew the heart disease was coming due to family history,but the diabetes hit me hard. I did see a therapist about my anger towards my body betraying me. She really helped me alot. I do relaxation excersises. I have also lost weight and today got good news at the doctors my A1C is 6.1. I made it through the holidays and stuck to my food guidelines. It was tough but I did it. I still hate my diabetes but I am coping and will have this monster always under control because I have the controller,not my family or friends and I have let them know that. Hang in there and know you are not alone.
Mrs Kowalski,
I understand your pain. I have Type 1 Diabetes for 19 miserable years. For years I have NEVER accepted it but I have learned to TOLERATE it, and so should you. Think of it as a marriage, where divorce is not an option. Until now my A1C 's are in normal range. In fact I have never had any serious complications only severe lows which I am trying to adjust my Insulin units (which is not an easy feat). Apparently I have been told by my Endocrinologist, if you have Diabetes for more than 10 years, your lows occur more frequently. Thus far on a daily level I am very cautious with what I eat and how much exercise I should endure on my treadmill. If you succumb to this crappy disease which I do not call it a "condition", and I depise the term "Diabetic", I was not born with it; you will more have more complications then you ever have dreamed of. Today's negativity will become tomorrow's nightmare. Take it day by day. Remember people may want to offer you their support and provide counseling etc.. However in the end you are on your own. You will be the one facing complications of your kidney's,heart,eyes,feet,organs and so much more. Sure I hate Diabetes in fact I despise it. You can shout it to the roof tops but I would NOT replace it with Cancer!!!!! All of you folkes that prefer cancer to Diabetes all I can say is are you looking for another challenge???
On a positive note I am very confident that a soon to be cure will be available less than <5 years. Globally there is a lot medical research being done so competition is fierce. No I don't mean the "Edmonton Protocol". Taking antirejection drugs for life which will eventually damage ALL your vital organs is not a cure that's a death warrent. The research I am implying is Pig-Islet cell encapsulation. These are Lab raised Porcine Pigs. It's currently on the third level of Human trial testing and thus far there are NO signs of infection, rejection, and A1C's are normal with 26%+ less insulin injections required. Lastly there is NO anti-rejection drugs required they have a patented coating wrapped around these islest cells.
So all of you try to stay healthy and be patient. DON'T GIVE UP.
Take Care.
T.
Good points...usually I do not give in to general pissery, as I prefer to court all of the positives and blessings in my life...but I sure hope you are right about a cure...from your dancing digits to God's ears!
Oh my God! You just put into words what I have been feeling for so long. The stress in my life right now is so high with sick parents, work and home. The doctor just raised my Metformin so I am now trotting to the bathroom 5 times a day instead of my usual 2 times. Everytime I have to prick my finger, or swallow pills or figure out carbs, I just want to sit down and cry. I hate this disease so much!
I feel exactly like Michelle does. When you have diabetes it's just sometihng else to worry about. I f your sugar to low or to high.
If someone is watching everything you put in your mouth.Unless you have diabetes your self outsiders never understand the highs and lows.
Glad someone feels the same way as me and vented about it...
know exactly what you mean I HATE IT TO !!!!!! and i have to admit some days i just don't care. and i do whatever i want those days. eat whatever i want. then i feel guilty and try to be good. its a rollercoaster sometimes.
Well, I've never commented before but after reading everyone's posts I am now scared. I was diagnosed last November just before my birthday on Thanksgiving. I don't like any of this. But I wasn't exactly scared until I read this. I started insulin shots this week and had no idea I might gain weight. I had just lost 6 pounds last month. How discouraging. Think I'll give it a rest and read later. But I don't like this that's for sure. For those of you who have done this year after year, you have my total admiration and thanks. You made it better for me.
mslaura,
I have a 3 1/2 year old daughter with Diabetes, she gets daily injections and daily finger pokes and rarely with a hassle or a pout or anything, she is my hero and although I could not love her any more then I already do, I do love her more for what she endures every day.
Having said all that .... I too HATE Diabetes. I hate that I have to think about it constantly, wonder if she's eaten enough, if her insulin is peaking, if after swimming she's going to drop, if she's nodding off in the backseat just because she's tired or because she's going low on me ... it is not just a simple childhood for her anymore and I would love nothing more then to take this away from her but I can't so we deal and we live our lives and we let Diabetes tag along with us, it does not control us, we control it!! I HATE DIABETES is what I say on a daily basis too!
Don't be scared - we are just venting. Its bad, but not the end of the world =)
Yes, weight gain is listed on basically all of your drugs and I don't care how many diets you go on or how few meals you eat, you will still gain weight. That is the most discouraging part about this disease. When I first started taking drugs to control my diabetes, which they claimed was hereditary on my behalf, I was weighing in under 145 lbs at 5 feet 6. Now I weigh 172 lbs and I only eat fruit and vegetables and an occasional fish. I have joined two weight loss programs and when I say diabetes, they say check with your diabetes nutritionists, as it would be difficult for us to help you if you are taking all these drugs. However, as of December, my glucose has been reported normal for the past year. I thought I would be able to stop the drugs if my readings are normal but the answer was no, the drugs are controlling your glucose, not you. I exercise daily at least 30 minutes in the morning and 30 minutes in the evening. I also do weight training and yoga. I get easily frustrated when I see the scale go up or down, so lately, I have just skipped weighing in and only gage it by how my clothes fit. So far, my pant size and waistline is smaller than the scale predicts. Hopefully, I will get back to 145 but my ideal weight would be 135 lbs. That would put me back into a size 5 pants. Right now I am wearing a size 10 pants and because I have big breasts, I have to wear an XL blouse or t-shirt. It would be wishful thinking on my behalf to lose the top heaviness as everyone in my family is busty. In any event, none of us can control our heritage, and we just keep passing it forward.
I have diabetes. I've also has liver cancer and had a transplant to cure it. I take daily medication for that as well as insulin 5 times a day. The diabetes is just another bump in the road so get over it. You're alive to deal with your problem and its controlable. Other illness are not.
I hate Diabetes too. In fact I hate it so much I am trying to forget it altogether. I know the risks but would rather be dead than not be able to eat n drink what I want to. I tried to keep my BS low and ended up sick with hypoglycemia. Yikes I never felt so bad in my life. High BS dose not noticeably affect me so don't worry about it. I am not in denial I know I have diabetes, I just cant want to care about it. I really hate it.
Sorry to tell you this when I know that you don't want to hear it but when you have high blood sugars, you are destoying all your vital organs which could lead to blindness, amputations, organ damage like kidney failure, heart failure and should I go on. The least you can do it prick your finger once daily to make sure you are within the range. At least, you can prevent major illnesses. Both low or high sugars can send you into a diabetic coma, so if I were you, I would pay more attention since we all know it will not go away if you ignore it. Help yourself, please.
I know all the info you have stated. For some reason I just don't care. I wish I did I know what I am doing to myself but I just cant make myself care about it. Someday I will be sorry I am sure. But right now I don't know why but I really don't care. I keep thinking about my diabetes and I keep reading and searching out info but to actually eat right well it just seems like it is more than I can handle. My husband and I have no schedule, never have. We eat out often and travel a lot. My life just cant encompass diabetes. Neither can my mind and heart. I have never said this to any one before so it feels funny admitting that I just don't care. Thanks for letting me spout.
I felt the same way for years and I had to start taking insulin shots and now I have an insulin pump. I still want to forget about it but this rotten thing on my hip beeps and vibrates when it wants attention. Things are a pain but then you think that you really want to be around for your family but it doesn't make it any easier.
There are so many other things going on inside my little world that I have no time to be negative about the dreaded DIABETES.
I have more medical problems than I really care to talk about. But the support I receive from my loving family is tremendous.
I have a Grandson who is 10 mpnths old and he keeps me active enough that I really don't have the energy for exercise. I know I should, but am just too tired to do it. My diet has improved, sort of, as I have no time to eat like I should. The baby eats mostly all my food when I do get a chance to stop for a bite. But I manage to get my food, just make a little more for him as I make mine. This way, he eats healthy as well.
The stress levels are high all the time, as I worry about all the other things that are wrong inside my body. My Doctor is a great help. He sends me to whatever type of specialist he thinks I need to get help from.
I thank God for ever day He grants me to wake up in the morning. All I know is that one morning, my Mother did not wake up. She too had the type 2 and it caused her to have a massive heart attack in her sleep. I am thankful for every breath I am allowed to take. I do not have time to dwell on it. I also have the type 2.
I would never wish I had cancer. I have a family I want to enjoy a lot longer in this lifetime and I will. With the Good Lord's help and my own ability to care for myself.