I've been running high again for the last few days. Part of it is my fault and part of it isn't. The part that is came about because of the part that isn't. I got so frustrated that insulin just didn't seem to be working again that I just stopped caring. Boluses would be late. I forgot my Lantus twice last week (granted I was extra busy and extra stressed).

I just feel like if diabetes doesn't cooperate, why the heck should I keep trying so hard? Sometimes I just want a break of the whole thing. Sometimes I just want to throw in the towel and say that I'm not going to stress over it. That I refuse to surrender my life to diabetes if it refuses to play fair.

I'm pretty sure that the whole reason for the highs is hormones. I will be so glad to switch this birth control. When I took it back in 2007, I don't remember having any issues with it. But this time around, it feels like it's just become a major hindrance rather than any help at all.

Granted, my periods are on time and much more pleasant than what I was dealing with before. But the other side effects are just getting under my skin. Like hearing my heart pounding in my ear. If I over exert myself or throw my stress level off, it starts pounding in my ear...thump, thump, thump.

It's given me some other side effects that I don't even want to mention. At least I'm hoping that it's because of this pill. And not another issue popping up in my life. I don't need anymore, thank you!

Plus the way that Ortho Tri Cyclen Lo's hormones work is on a tricyclic phase. So week 1 has the lowest hormones while week 3 has the highest, excluding the placebo pills for week 4. Every week, my blood sugars bounce a little more. I see unexplained highs or food that just hits the wrong way every time. And the problem is that those weeks of higher hormones are the ones where I'm already feeling kicked in the butt.

From the major fatigue that starts around week 3. And the mood swings (this month seems to be better so far! whew!). Not to mention the cravings. I just fly all over the place. And my blood sugar seems to follow.

So I'm very ready to be done with this pack and start on Yaz in two weeks. I have no idea if Yaz will be helpful or if it'll be the same thing. It's the same kind of estrogen, but 5mg less. Both hormones run steady throughout the month too, so no ups and downs. It also has a different kind of progestin that may help some of those other side effects I'm having. We'll see.

Then in June, I plan to start Metformin (once I see how Yaz works for a bit and my life settles). I'm really hopeful that Metformin will be the key to the rest of my symptoms. PCOS-wise at least. I'm scared of its side effects, although it seems they lessen over time. I'm also scared of the insulin changes that might need to happen...the extra work that it's going to take.

But I feel like once I'm done with school and moving and all this up in the air lifestyle right now that I'll be able to manage the rest of this a little easier. I know that my life is going to change again in the fall, when I decide where I plan to try out adulthood for the next year or so. At least I'll have the summer to work through this and take some time to myself though.

I don't plan to work outside of what I'm already doing now. I'm hoping to travel some if I can get the funds. Not being in school will be the biggest weight off of me though. So hopefully this next step in life is the right one. Hopefully Yaz works. Hopefully these highs skip town soon.