At 11pm Thursday, I took 1mg of dexamethasone. It's a synthetic steroid that acts like cortisol in the body. A normally functioning endocrine system will stop making it's own cortisol when this drug is taken. A cushingoid one will show no difference with active dexamethasone.

So I woke up at 6:30am Friday to get the dexamethasone suppression test done. My blood sugar was 318...they were not kidding about potential high blood sugars. I drove to a local lab (luckily, I could call this test in to do it here instead of driving all the way home from school for it) and they drew the blood. The lab technician said we should know Monday what the results are.

As I drove home in the early morning light, my mind ran over the possibilities of this test. One, we see no change in my cortisol levels. And we start a whole new process on finding out why my cortisol is so high. Two, we see lower cortisol levels and the process ends there.

If it's the first option, I'll be sent in for more testing. I'll also probably be doing CTs, MRIs, or ultrasounds to look for the possible tumors secreting cortisol in my body. It won't be fun, it will consume a lot of my time and energy, but I can't say that I'm not looking forward to hearing that come across the telephone.

I am honestly more scared right now of it NOT being something rather than it being something as serious as a cortisol secreting tumor. I've done my research and found the odds to not be that bad. Malignant tumors are rare in this case. And typically, the tumors are small enough to be taken out laparoscopically.

It's hard for most people to understand why I might actually WANT a tumor, unless you've been through something similar to the last four years of my life. You see, the last four years of my life have been doctor after doctor, more lab tests than I can count, and tons of false positives/leads/maybes. It's been too much to handle at times. It's been frustrating to hear "It's this or might be this" then be told that it actually isn't that or that it will always MAYBE be that.

Diabetes is often much easier to handle than the other health issues that I've had. Every day, I wake up and I know that I have diabetes. There is no denial. There is a definitive treatment, ways to cope and manage. I know that insulin brings down my blood sugar on most occasions. I know that doing certain things can change those factors. Diabetes isn't predictable, but it's something that I know for certain.

The past four years have showed me that the rest of my health is not predictable, certain, or anywhere close to being in a realm of knowledge. Blood tests don't prove much, symptoms are vague, everything seems like it's something that it's not. Which is exactly how I feel about this most recent development.

I have all the major symptoms for Cushing's syndrome, for a cortisol secreting tumor. But what if it comes back that it's not a tumor? That it was just a random high cortisol level? That there is no known cause? What then?

I honestly don't know. I will keep fighting and trying. But I am hopeful that I won't need to. I'm hopeful that this test will prove something bigger, that a CT scan will show a tumor, that this will be the end of all the pain and suffering that I've dealt with for the past four years. I'm crossing my fingers for a tumor, for an answer, and for a cure.

By the way, my blood sugars stayed above 300 despite doubling my boluses and avoiding most carbs for an entire 36 hours. We're back down to 204 this morning, so hopefully they'll continue to get back into range as the dexamethasone clears my system.