Over the weekend, I had a low blood sugar in the middle of the night that left me feeling like I had been beaten soundly and left in a ditch. (Covered in petrol, a la Eddie Izzard.)
It was a strange experience, though, because the "low hangover" feeling was neatly accompanied by a feeling of guilt. This low wasn't one that came out of no where and smacked up upside the head. This low was the result of a miscalculation while I was at dinner.
Scene: My fiance and I are at a nice little Italian place near our hometown. I test before the meal and ring in at 202 mg/dl. Not so great. So I bolus in a few units to correct the high.
Then the bread arrives. Knowing full-well I should sit tight and wait for my sugars to drop back into range but itching to have a taste of that "fresh from the oven" italian bread, I laced in a few more units of Humalog from my pump and enjoyed a piece of bread.
The bread was followed by another piece. Then more insulin. Then my pasta dinner. More insulin. With restaurant portions a bit tricky to count and my sugars already elevated to begin with, I was SWAG-bolusing and not paying the closest of attention to my numbers.
We returned home. I tested before bed and a result of 180 mg/dl greeted me. No problem. That's elevated enough for a sound sleep.
I knew I had stacked the boluses and guesstimated the carb count of my meal.
Which is why a low blood sugar of 34 mg/dl greeted me in the middle of the night.
I treated the low. I dealt with the emergency and ended up on the safer side of 100 mg/dl within a few minutes. My sugar the next morning was 114 mg/dl - safe and sound.
Yet the guilt I felt for that low had me by the throat. That low wasn't a "freak moment" that happens to me sometimes. This one could have been prevented. Of course, we are all human, making plenty of mistakes and learning from our experiences, but hitting that kind of rock-bottom hit my conscience hard.
Diabetes is more than just number management and medication wrangling.
It's an emotional bonfire that sometimes burns out of control.
