Diabetic Recipes
EP
I'm often told what a wonderful mother I would make.
I'm often asked if Bob and I plan to have kids of our own.
My answer is usually something along the lines of "Who knows? Maybe someday we'll decide to adopt or foster children, but it's not likely I'll be giving birth anytime in the future."
This is around the time in the conversation that I get "the look." Sometimes, the person will express out loud what "the look" says so clearly. "It's the diabetes, isn't it?"
If I'm up to it, I'll explain, that no, it's not the diabetes. I'll talk about how women with diabetes have healthy babies all the time. I'll tell the stories of the many women I know who live with diabetes and have had children and are wonderful mothers.
Other times, I don't give any sort of answer, I just give my own "look," hoping the person will drop the subject.
These moments are frustrating because they make me realize that for people who know I have diabetes, separating me from my disease seems to be a difficult task. If I'm cranky - my bloodsugar must be off. If I need a new eye glass prescription - the diabetes might be effecting my eyes. If I decide against having children - my diabetes must be at fault. The truth is - sometimes I'm cranky because I've had a cruddy day, and my eyesight has been poor since before my diagnosis, and I, unlike many of my peers, have never once heard my biological clock tick-tick-ticking.
Recently, though, I've done some thinking that stemmed from a question I'd never been asked before.
The conversation started the same, "Are you and Bob going to have kids?" My answer was the same "Who knows? Maybe someday we'll decide to adopt or foster children, but it's not likely I'll be giving birth anytime in the future."
The follow up question was where the conversation took a new turn. "Are you afraid of passing your diabetes on?"
"I'm not sure," I responded, "But I don't think that's got anything to do with my not wanting to have kids."
Although I felt the usual frustration at the person's inability to separate my person and my decisions from my disease, the question really got me thinking. I know that I worry about my nieces or nephews getting diabetes. I know that the prospect of any child facing life with diabetes scares me. And I know myself well enough to know that if a child in my family was diagnosed, I'd feel a certain level of guilt. But if my maternal longings were stronger, if my desire to have a child was ever-present, I doubt I'd let the fear of a disease I know so well get in my way.
This whole thing, though, got me thinking. And I've got some questions for all of you.
Do you find that people often relate your moods, normal physical ailments, or decisions automatically to your diabetes? How do you address it when they do?
Diabetic parents - did you ever/do you fear that your children will get diabetes? How big a factor was the chance they could be diagnosed when you were considering having children?
People with diabetes considering parenthood - what are you fears? How do you think you diabetes as it relates to pregnancy and parenthood?
Wow. I think you hit my number one fear right there on its little noggin. Having a baby. I am terrified that I can't. Watching Steel Magnolias was one of the most fearful events of my life. I watched it only once and just hearing the movie title can almost send me to a fetal position... I am also terrified of getting pregnant, and then having all of my "bad years" thrown in my face. I live in fear of my diabetes because I have ignored it for too long. I am twenty six and every day I fear what I have done to myself. It is time to change. I can't ignore it all anymore, because no matter how long I ignore it, it will never go away...As my username says...this is my SOS.
I was diagnosed with Type 1 at 22yrs of age, less than 3 months after my wedding. The diagnosis didn't change my desire to be a mother. I have since had two beautiful daughters. The older I have gotten and the older the girls are getting, I do find myself worrying about their health. I feel guilt over my many mistakes and lack of dilligence in managing my disease. I do feel guilt every time I give my 11yr old her shot. For Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. She handles it like a pro!! I am thankful that she only has to take a shot 1x a week. I am thankful that the doctors think she will outgrow this disease. I am thankful that it is not diabetes. But I do keep looking over my shoulder from time to time to make sure this disease, Diabetes, doesn't sneek up on my kids.
I have gone back and forth on this for years. I am 38. I got pregnant in April and during those 10 weeks that I was pregnant I wasn't even able to bring myself to think about passing the d on to my baby. I am sure that if I had not miscarried I would have constantly worried about my child the same way that I worry about my nieces and nephew. I am forever wanting to test their bs anytime they are really thirsty.
When people relate my moods or ailments to my diabetes I almost always give them the truth. If someone ask me if I am low or high because I am being bitchy, I tell them that I am not only a diabetic but sometimes I am a bitch.
When I read your e-mail I cried...let's talk about emontional!!! Your responses are mine to a T..I am 29 and have had diabetes for 18yrs and I am on a pump. I am so scared to have a baby you would not believe it. One thing I have to say is if I do have a child and he/she gets diabetes I would feel so guilty but I would deal with it and let my child learn from my mistakes. I went through a long denial period and at times it creeps back but now my husband is on me to take control of this disease and it is not easy, when I think I am coming along (diet, excercise is great carb counting sucks) I take two steps back. But a baby is my goal and I have to start to get serious
Thank you all for your comments. I'm glad I touched something in each of you.
MySoS - Live in today. Do your best NOW, that's all you can ask of yourself. The rest isn't really up to us.
Andrea - I know that your daughter's JRA must be tough - I'm glad she handles it like a hero. Kids amaze the heck out of me with their resilience. It's hard not to look over our shoulders, isn't it?
Shani - I'm sorry about your miscarriage - I know how hard it is. Re: nieces and nephews, when my SIL mentions anything about excessive peeing, drinking, weight loss - I get totally freaked out and whip out the meter. Re: Telling people you're a bitch! LOL...
Deziray - Take control. Do your best. And good luck with getting ready and with having a baby!!! :)
Yes, my parents automatically assume that if I'm grouchy I must be high and not taking proper care of my numbers. It gets a bit irritating.
Now being 18 I'm not old enough to have kids but I do have little brothers. 12, 6 and 2. I constantly worry about them developing diabetes. The second I hear about thirst, constant bathroom use or tiredness, I instantly worry. They're so young and I don't want them to have to deal with diabetes. The 12 year old already has enough to deal with being bi-polar and ADHD.
As far as kids in the future, I have worried about passing on diabetes. I would feel so guilty. So much so that I've seriously thought about adopting rather than bearing when the time comes.
WOW!! It is so refreshing to know that there are others out there that feel the same way I do.
My fiance and I have been engaged for four months now. I hid this disease from him for so long, and when we finally talked about it, he took the news very well.
We recently had mutual friends that announced they were pregnant. I couldn't help but feel excited for them, but at the same time, feel very jealous. I WANT kids of MY OWN, but at the same time, I DON'T want to pass this demanding disease onto them. There is no way I would pass this disease onto my child, if I could help it.
I talked to John, (fiance) about having kids, and we both agreed that adopting may be the best thing for us. But the thing is, that I can't help but want a baby of my own. Is that selfish? Yeah, probably. But still..those maternal instincts kick in, and keep conflicting with what I want, and what I don't want.