When I inserted the first sensor on Saturday, I thought it might give me a little trouble. It'd been through a lot in the last months (traveling around in my "everyday" case and moving from fridge to backpack to suitcase multiple times). It looked old, it looked like it wouldn't work. But I gave it a shot anyway.

And my suspicions were confirmed. It gave me two error messages before showing me a steady level in the 50's when I was perfectly okay. Instead of messing with a crazy sensor and wondering about its accuracy for days, I changed it out. I had an entire new box of them anyway and I don't use them often enough to be upset on throwing one out.

So after I opened the new box and inserted the perfect sensor, I was prepared for it to work. Thankfully, it did. It gave me near accurate numbers for three days. The third day alarmed "Sensor End" like usual. Like usual, I planned to keep the sensor on the extra three days (although not FDA approved, everyone pretty much knows they last longer than their three day life expectancy). I selected the "New Sensor" option to recalibrate in a couple of hours.

The alarm went off in expected fashion. I'd been enjoying the last few days of constant blood sugar knowledge, feeling like I was more in control than ever before. After all, the CGMS had already alarmed me to 2 overnight lows (brought on by my recent increase in exercise) and allowed me to treat during class without checking. Needless to say, I was kind of excited to have another three days of continual blood sugar bliss (well, bliss in the fact that I knew where I was which seemed to be helping my numbers).

But fate would have it another way. Because only about sixteen hours after the new sensor start, I accidentally ripped the sensor out (right before a new workout too) with my backpack. I was peeved that I'd wasted another sensor before its time was up, but I figured I'd use another one and keep it on the full six days which gave me three days longer with the sensor than planned.

Instead of immediately getting another sensor, I decided to wait until Thursday night to insert a new one. As if my body knew that we didn't have continual knowledge, I ran high most of the time without the sensor. So when Thursday night rolled around, I was completely ready to get back to that continual comfort.

As I prepared for my usual sensor routine (gathering the senserter, sensor, and alcohol swab), I switched the pump to start a new sensor calibration. I swabbed my skin with the alcohol (right above my left hip on the "meatier" part). I placed the new sensor in the senserter and prepared for the insertion (my least favorite part of this whole ordeal). I pinched the skin and angled the inserter, waiting for the jab to notify me the sensor was in place.

After the jab, I already saw the blood. It wasn't an abnormal part of the insertion, but it wasn't usually a helpful sight. I pulled the needle out to leave the cannula in, hoping the blood would clot and I could go on my way. I held pressure over the sensor for quite awhile, pulling the tissue up occasionally to check the amount of blood coming from the spot. It was a decent amount...more than I knew should be there.

But finally, I thought I had the bleeding under control. The tissue wasn't coming up red anymore and there wasn't any dripping from the site that I saw. So I decided to place the transmitter into the sensor. But in a matter of seconds before even placing the transmitter, I lifted my shirt to find blood oozing from the insertion site and quickly covering my shirt.

The only thing left to do was pull the sensor out. I could either start new (with the fourth sensor in five days) or wait. So I decided to wait. I have no idea what I'm waiting for...maybe more time to go by so I feel less guilty about using so many sensors, maybe the spots to heal on my hips. Whatever I'm waiting for, I don't like it. I hate that I've ruined these sensors, although none have directly been my fault. I hate that I'm wasting money by throwing them in the trash before even getting a decent use. I hate that my pleasant routine of continuous monitoring has been so disrupted by this bloody bump.

If only diabetes supplies came free. If only they came without the physical and mental and financial costs. If only it was easier to live guilt free with this disease.