(15 days ago)
Susanne reminds me that these days will happen.
So, I'm trying not to dwell on it. I'm trying to write this day off and look forward.
I'm trying to forget the horrible look on Charlie's face while he dips half of his head into a bucket, coughing and spitting out toxic ketones.
I'm trying to forget that this could have been avoided if we woke up just one more time in the middle of the night to correct him.
I'm trying to forget how he curls up on the big, brown chair, riding out the discomfort.
I'm trying to forget that not even Christmas would get him off that chair right now.
I'm trying to forget how quickly the ketone strip darkens to purple.
I'm trying to forget purple altogether.
I'm trying to forget that Charlie's been waiting for this fun school day for weeks. Field Day.
I'm trying to forget that we had to go the school to change his site.
I'm trying to forget the phone call from the nurse, saying he's 422 - after we spent all morning bringing his blood sugar down and getting rid of his ketones so that he could enjoy at least a bit of Field Day.
I'm trying to forget that he locked himself in the nurse's bathroom, refusing to come out because he didn't want his classmates to see him crying.
I'm trying to forget that today is our thirteenth wedding anniversary.
I'm trying to forget that I took the day off from work and had something special planned.
I'm trying to forget.
But I can't.
I'm so sorry, Carey.
I am so sorry too!!!
Carey Potash,
While it is very clear from your blog that your son's diabetic issues are difficult for both your son Charlie and for you and his mother, I wanted to say how apparent your compassion for your son is. You are affected by diabetes through your son.
Coming from myself, a person who also has diabetes type 1, I can speak of my own experience growing up, of how much effort it was for my parents to be part of my diabetic management -- and I know it is better than mere words could ever say to know that you as a parent are so caring, concerned and involved in your son's life.
Looking back to my childhood days, I see now that I was able to get through anything knowing that I was loved. Charlie is certaily drawing strength from you because he knows you love him. Children are pretty tough and adaptive even though they have not yet learned adult-level coping techniques. But I promise you very sincerely, I know you are there for your son and that he "knows" for all time how much you love him.
By the time he is an independent adult I know he will continue to draw much of his strength to carry on from his earlier memories of love, compassion, security, attention and involvement that you and his mother are unselfishly giving to him every minute of every day. You are doing the right things as best you can, and that is all anyone can do. The parental management of a child's diabetes is difficult enough -- I will say it again, you must know and believe you are doing all the right things as best you can. I would imagine your son is very proud and glad to have a dad like you.
DantonyC
Í'm so sorry Carey! Bless you and little Charlie!
Mousie
Thank you Penny and Cabins. Thankfully days like that don't happen often.
DantonyC: Thanks for bringing on the waterworks. I'll just tell my co-workers it's allergies. Very kind words. Thank you.
Thanks Mousie.
Carey,
It does seem horrible when kids have ketones, and it is an awful feeling for the kid--I have had Type 1 for 31 years (DX'd at 1 1/2 yrs) and had numerous ketone incidents when I was a child. Thankfully, I don't have them anymore at 32, but the memory of how bad they are is there. There aren't alot of things you can do as a parent other than work on the sugar and be a huge support, which you are doing. It is extremely frustrating when the disease takes control of your child or yourself. I am reminded of the Dylan Thomas poem "Do Not Go Gentle Into that Good Night"--tell Charlie you and he are going to kick diabetes and make it listen! Know that I am praying for you--
God Bless,
Karla