(15 days ago)

Susanne reminds me that these days will happen.

So, I'm trying not to dwell on it. I'm trying to write this day off and look forward.

I'm trying to forget the horrible look on Charlie's face while he dips half of his head into a bucket, coughing and spitting out toxic ketones.

I'm trying to forget that this could have been avoided if we woke up just one more time in the middle of the night to correct him.

I'm trying to forget how he curls up on the big, brown chair, riding out the discomfort.

I'm trying to forget that not even Christmas would get him off that chair right now.

I'm trying to forget how quickly the ketone strip darkens to purple.

I'm trying to forget purple altogether.

I'm trying to forget that Charlie's been waiting for this fun school day for weeks. Field Day.

I'm trying to forget that we had to go the school to change his site.

I'm trying to forget the phone call from the nurse, saying he's 422 - after we spent all morning bringing his blood sugar down and getting rid of his ketones so that he could enjoy at least a bit of Field Day.

I'm trying to forget that he locked himself in the nurse's bathroom, refusing to come out because he didn't want his classmates to see him crying.

I'm trying to forget that today is our thirteenth wedding anniversary.

I'm trying to forget that I took the day off from work and had something special planned.

I'm trying to forget.

But I can't.