I hate today.

My annual eye exam is this afternoon and every time I have to have this done, it seems I get more freaked out about it. I have a “thing” about my eyes. Let me put it to you this way, the first time I got contact lenses it took me literally 1 hour to get one in! It's embarrassing to admit that but it is the truth.

The fear I have is two fold. The uncomfortable procedure itself and whatever the doctor will find.

I cannot stand those thick eye drops. It is like molasses. Thick sticky muck being dropped in my eyes. I hate it. And it stings. At least to me it stings and there is little worse then eyes that are stinging in my humble opinion.

And then you wait. Wait until this magical potion dilates your eyes. I sit in the waiting room watching the world get more out of focus and blink my eyes over and over again. It starts to feel like my eyeballs have grown so large that my lids are struggling to get around them to close. I know this is not the case but that is how it feels to me.

And then after all that, you get to sit there while the doctor glares into your defenseless eyes with a light that somehow harnesses the amount of lumen's the sun produces. I hate it.

With each pause and "hmm" from the doctor my heart rate increases. And that gets into the other fear. The find.

With the last a1c of 8.2 and the string of high bg's i've had makes me worried. I know knowledge is power but the fact that diabetes could be destroying my sight without me knowing it is terrifying. I am going to try and not think about it too much until later.

Do any of you make yourselves sick thinking about this stuff? I know there is nothing I can do but I still cannot get it out of my head!