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September 5th, 2008
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Ah! It's a new day and my fasting blood sugar comes in at a sweet 103 mg/dl. "Not too shabby," I think, maybe feeling a bit arrogant.

I go about the business of the day - exercise, hop in the shower, dry the hair, feed the cat - get in the car for work. Drive 30 of the 45 minutes it takes to get there.

And then I think - caught in a wave of abject panic, "Where is my pump?"

I do the pat down, you know the one. I pat with flat, frantic hands at my bra, my hip, my waistband. And I know then exactly where my pump is. On the shelf in the bathroom, pumping insulin into oblivion instead of into me.

"Man." I think. I also think. Alright, maybe I say aloud - a number of colorful words not suitable for a family website.

And I head back toward home, calling the office to let them know that I've been delayed.

It is, I know, one of those errors I have the potential to make everyday. Thankfully, on most mornings, I am far more cautious about the mental checklist of a type 1, insulin pumping diabetic. Meter - check. Enough strips for the day - check. Glucose tabs for car - check. Syringe and Insulin, just in case - check. Insulin Pump - double check!!

But the fact of the matter is - with so many potential missteps in a day - I make my share. I think we all do.

Have you ever, for example, gotten so into a work project that you test in the morning, have some breakfast, and then realize that suddenly - it's 3:30 pm? And you wonder how that happened - and you pull our your meter and realize that not testing for 6 hours hasn't had the effect on blood sugar that your normal, 3-4 tests in that period does.

Or - have you ever been at dinner with friends, enjoying the company, having some wine, grazing in a not-so-everyday kind of way, and at the end of the evening you dread testing your blood sugar because you just KNOW you've forgotten to bolus, or miscalculated the many, many carbs you've consumed?

How about those lows that make you unfathomably hungry - or that seem resistant to every morsel you put in your mouth? Have you ever just given into one of those - eating 9,000 grams of carbs? OK - so maybe 9,000 grams is a slight exaggeration - but you get the point.

And the highs that seem more stubborn than a two-year old who wants a candy bar at the grocery store - what about those? Have you ever treated one of those repeatedly, ignoring any suggestions your pump might be giving you - disregarding every rule you have about being exact?

These are only a few of the everyday negative possibilities we face. Sure - some of them are within our control - if we think about it logically. But there are times when our brains are so addled with out of range blood sugars that logical thought is beyond our grasp. And there are times that it seems perfectly logical to eat 9,000 grams of carbs or to give 9,000 units of insulin.

I find that for me, it is this potential for everyday errors that really gets the best of me. I feel smallest - most frustrated - most angry about having diabetes - when something negative happens that I know I could have cut off at the pass - if I'd thought more clearly, if I had a better memory, if I had been more conscientious about testing, if I wasn't so damned hungry or so damned angry about being high.

The best I can do - I guess - the best all of us can do - is to stay as aware as we can about what it takes to control this disease. And to not be so hard on ourselves when one of the million potential errors gets in our way.

Someone please remind me of this post the next time I forget to reconnect pump before I leave for work.



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Nicole Purcell
Nicole has lived successfully with type 1 diabetes for 25 years. She hopes that by writing about her experiences, she can help others to face diabetes - and its challenges - head on.(Read More)

Latest Posts: How does it happen? | Comrades | Connecting the Dots...

Kim Doty
Kim Doty has had Gestational and/or Type 2 diabetes since 2003. She lives in Colorado with her husband and children. She blogs about her world at On Line On Life On Insulin.(Read More)

Latest Posts: The Type 1 - Type 2 Connection | Change of Life | MOB Space, Indeed

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