Today, I'm feeling very raw. You know that kind of emotion that leaves everything sitting on the edge, just waiting to burst through the dam? Today is one of those days. Where I could laugh, sing, cry, weep, or punch somebody at the drop of a hat.

It's an emotional state that's been building over the past few weeks. And today is the culmination of all that time compressed into a few moments of completely raw emotion.

School was rough the last few weeks. With an insane amount of tests and papers, I was running myself ragged trying to keep up, catch up, and finish up. Although it's over, I'm still a bit flustered from it all. Grades aren't published yet and the perfectionist in me is still angry over a bad test and a poor paper.

The whole birth control issue left me especially raw, which is probably the main reason for my off-kilter emotions today. My hormones can't be very pleased right now. I did finally get the bleeding to nearly stop (after 24 days) by taking a break from the pill on Monday. I'll start it back up on Sunday...hopefully without issue.

I've also been struggling with dry skin, dry lips, and fatigue. All from the Accutane treatment that I'm on. It's just one more thing that I didn't want to deal with, but I know that I have to go through. I'm extremely pleased with the results from it so I'm trying to remember that it's worth it. Although the impatience is killing me.

The holidays and break from school have also left things in disarray. I've been rushing to clean my apartment, get laundry done, and just set things straight before heading home for Christmas. I'm not prepared for it at all, not even truly excited about the holiday. And it's meant a complete switch in my social calendar...catching up with old friends and missing friends that have already headed home.

There's also the never ending diabetes battle that I've been going through lately. I'm still working on getting the Lantus right. And I'm out of energy and  motivation to do much else than focus on that right now. I know I need to check my blood sugar more, log my Humalog, and just generally stay on track. But I just can't.

On top of all that, there are so many minor issues happening in my life. Like trying to plan a roadtrip with my best friend, seeing about working a little over the break, and updating my resume for graduation. There's also the fact that my cat has fleas that just will not go away and I have no idea what to get my brothers for Christmas. I'm also trying to decide where to move to after graduation, wondering about my current dating life, and generally panicking over the not so distant future.

I feel like Murphy's Law right now. Like I'm just trying to stay afloat, keep treading to keep my head above water. So today, I feel raw. Maybe I can read a good book, sleep it off, and wake up with a new outlook. For tonight though, I don't really care what emotions pass over me...just let them hit so I can move forward. Maybe a little warning to friends is in order though.