Diabetic Recipes
happysnappr
I really don't like going to the doctor. The endocrinologist to be specific. Every time I go, I just seem to leave disappointed. Sometimes it's less disappointment than others. Sometimes I'm just so angry at myself and at this disease. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I get mad at the doctor (because OF COURSE, it's HIS fault I'm diabetic!). But mostly, the doctor just makes me feel alone in what I feel.
Today I had an endo appointment (if you didn't already guess). My last A1c was 6.9, my lowest ever. I was absolutely thrilled at that number, yet the perfectionist in me still wanted lower. And I honestly tried for lower (less in the last month or so though). But life got in the way.
The appointment went fine, I suppose. My A1c was 7.3, which totally makes me want to throw a brick through the big bad diabetes window. I realize it's a small change in the number and it's still a decent number. But it makes me so mad because I try and I have been trying to get lower A1c's. Because I want to be HEALTHY. I want to LIVE. I want to be prepared for my FUTURE.
Yet it seems that when I'm doing my best, life can't seem to give me any credit. I say this because I know that the logic behind the rising 7.3 is because of the ovarian cyst I had. Throw in the stress from college finals, some new medications, and "life events." That recipe creates one lovely 7.3.
It isn't fair that no matter how hard I try or how much time and effort goes into diabetes on my part, diabetes wins (or tries to). It isn't fair that because of another uncontrollable health issue, my diabetes has to suffer. It isn't fair that I can't be a normal college student, dealing with normal college things. Instead, I have to be a college student dealing with normal things plus a chronic illness plus other health problems.
But this isn't a pity party. This isn't me complaining (okay, it kind of is!). But more so, this is me venting. I have to let someone know (someone that knows these feelings) that I worked my butt off to get lower than a 6.9 yet I turned up with a lousy 7.3.
I don't even want to remember that number. I don't even want to remember it went up again. I just want to work even harder in the next three months to get it all straightened out (and cross my fingers for no more cysts!) and get a 6.8 on my next A1c.
At least I did find out a lot of helpful medical school stuff from the endo today. There's a bright side to every rainy day.
Lindsey, I am totally with you. Sometimes I just wish I didn't even know my number. My old endo really bugged me the last time I saw him. He said to me (I am NOT kidding), "You have every medical technology known to man at your disposal. There is no excuse for your A1C." I couldn't believe it. I was so embarrassed and angry. No excuse? I wanted to yell, "What about my sinus infection? What about the fact that I have two preschool children who constantly battle for my attention? What about the fact that I have a life?" And my A1C was even under 7!
My husband (I'm 33 with two kids) insisted that I change endos, and I am much, much happier with this one. Sounds like yours is OK, but seeing the endo is never fun anyway.
One great book I like is "Pumping Insulin." It's a wealth of information if you're on an insulin pump. It's all about making your health as perfect as possible. Also might want to try (if you're really ready for a drastic change but a fantastic A1C) "The Diabetes Diet" by Dr. Bernstein.
Betsybug, where can I get a copy of the books you mentioned? I know the A1c battle very well. I've been diabetic for 37 years and am willing to try something new that will really help me. Thanks
I ordered those books off of Amazon a couple of months ago so I'm sure they are still there. I know most bookstores you can have them ordered, though they are not kept in stock.
Lindsey, I am totally with you. Sometimes I just wish I didn't even know my number. My old endo really bugged me the last time I saw him. He said to me (I am NOT kidding), "You have every medical technology known to man at your disposal. There is no excuse for your A1C." I couldn't believe it. I was so embarrassed and angry. No excuse? I wanted to yell, "What about my sinus infection? What about the fact that I have two preschool children who constantly battle for my attention? What about the fact that I have a life?" And my A1C was even under 7!
My husband (I'm 33 with two kids) insisted that I change endos, and I am much, much happier with this one. Sounds like yours is OK, but seeing the endo is never fun anyway.
One great book I like is "Pumping Insulin." It's a wealth of information if you're on an insulin pump. It's all about making your health as perfect as possible. Also might want to try (if you're really ready for a drastic change but a fantastic A1C) "The Diabetes Diet" by Dr. Bernstein.
Hi all, i am new here but not to diabetes. I have been a type two diabetic for 12 years and i have yet to get control. I have a real hard time keeping on it. What is it that gets you all to stay on top of it. My fasting sugars are way high (over 300) and i am insulin dependent. I had decent control 7 years ago when i was pregnant but for the life of me i can't get there anymore. I just love to eat, and always procrastinate.
The whole reason why I try for lower A1c's is for my future. I want to be healthy so that I have the option to be a mom. I don't want my future husband to worry about complications or my numbers. Everyone's reasoning is different, but I think it helps if you're fighting for someone other than yourself in all of this. Because if it was just ME I needed to be healthy for, I probably wouldn't do half of what I do. Be healthy for your child, so that you can see their wedding day or their graduation day or whatever gets you through it.
Oh my heavens! You just spoke my words. I can not seem to get a grip on this disease. I don't even want to look at it as a disease. I have an insulin pump and it seems to rule my life. I hate this all and I am so angry that this has happened to me that I can't get control. I have told my Dr's that I am angry and they just seem to shrug it off. I know I am depressed and I am on medication but that underlying anger still hangs in there. I want to be able to eat and drink whatever and whenever and not have to worry about the consequences. Does anyone know how you deal with the self anger? I have talked to myself about what could happen to me but I really don't care at this point. I am tired all the time but am on a CPAP machine. What do I do?
I think anger is a part of the coping process. I've been angry, am sometimes still angry, with diabetes and how it rules my life at times. It's something that takes time, a good support system, and just pushing through to get over. Try reading Diabetes Burnout or Life Disrupted. Sometimes a new perspective is all you need. But don't be hard on yourself! We all have these days/months/years.