Following through on my one and only new year's resolution, I am writing about each of the topics bold and underlined in my first post of 2009.
The title of that post came from something my father has said to me only two times in my life. "Just where the hell have you been, young lady??"
The first time, I was hanging out in the woods with friends and smoking a cigarette. A stupid move that would be repeated several times during my pre-teen and teen years. And the smoking a cigarette part of the stupid move would be repeated again and again in my late teens and early twenties.
The second time my dad uttered this ominous question - I was sneaking into the house after a night out drinking with friends. I was seventeen. We had been hanging out in the woods and drinking Purple Passion. Purple Passion came in two liter bottles and consisted of grape soda infused with everclear. Fun, fun, fun until my dad caught me coming through the kitchen window at three am - drunk, stumbling, and out of my mind...
"Just where the hell have you been, young lady?"
"Um. Out. Hiccup!"
"Out where?"
"Um. I don't know. Just out. With C and J and some other people." At this point, my feet are staging a coup. I fall toward the kitchen table, giggling.
"You find this amusing??? Do you know how much trouble you're in???"
"I don't care!" I say, now trembling with laughter. I feel so out of the world, so out of my mind, so out of everything.
"I know you're drunk. Are you OK, though?"
"I'm fine." I respond, "Better than fine actually. Hiccup!"
"You're not fine." And that's pretty much the last thing I hear.
I end up on the kitchen floor, flopping like a fish out of water. My bloodsugar is 28 mg/dl. The orange juice my dad tries to give me lands up on the walls, the floor, and our clothes. My dad has to administer a shot of glucagon. I wake up, still on the tile floor, covered by a blanket, dripping of sweat and orange juice. My dad is by my side, looking all angry and sad and relieved.
It is one of the first pretty serious diabetes mistakes I make. It's certainly not the last. I go on to eat some of the wrong things at the wrong times. I go on to not give insulin at times. I go on to ignore my bloodsugar levels. I go on to lie about those levels. I go on to get drunk and then plummet because I've not calculated my insulin just right. More importantly, I go on to learn that in order to live well with diabetes, I've got to not repeat my past mistakes. I take my experiences, and use the lessons they've taught me to my best advantage. And I'm better for it.
Do I still make mistakes? Sure thing. How else would I continue to learn?
Do I still choose the wrong things at times? Sure thing. How else would I figure out the right things?
But in this new year, I'll try to remember the things I've already learned. And I'll make every effort to not repeat past mistakes. It is the best I can do.
Anyone want to drink to that? I bet I can find us some Purple Passion. Or not.
