After church I typically end up sitting down with a few of the members I get to see once and week and catch up.

This Sunday I was sitting with Paul. Paul is an older gentleman who is witty, funny, and sharp as a tack. I believe he is in his late 60's and read all the bible verses that day in church. He used to be a radio announcer so he has an awesome voice.

We asked each other how we were doing and I felt compelled to share my weekend of ridiculously high blood glucose readings.

"I have been sky high all weekend and cannot get my blood sugar down," I told him, not sure if he could sympathize.

"How high have you been?" When Paul asked I could tell he either had diabetes (which at the time I was not sure about) or was very familiar with the disease.

"This may shock you but I have been in the 300's and 400's and keep taking more and more insulin but it seems to come down and go right back up again!"

"I hear you my friend. I was 435 the other night and so I took some more units to try and bring it down."

And that was when we really connected. I had no clue Paul had diabetes and that he took insulin. It turns out he has type 2 and has had it for several years. He went on about his frustrations.

"You know, I take my medicine, I eat the amount of carbs I am supposed to have, and no matter what I never get the same result. I try and try to get it right but I never do." He was visibly spent and I could relate as most of us could.

"That's the thing Paul. Diabetes is manageable but it is not controllable. You can try but I don't know anyone who doesn't have the same frustrations that you do."

"I just hate to see my doctor because I get so upset with myself. I don't want to end up high and it's not like I eat a bunch of candy and yet one day I am through the roof and one day I'm low. I feel like I don't know what I am doing." At this point I could tell that having someone who really understands sitting with him helped him to open up and get some of this frustration out.

I told him, "Paul you cannot blame yourself for all this stuff. You can try and try and many times your numbers will not be where you want them. When you are doing all in your power and things are not how you would like them, blame diabetes not yourself."

He looked at me for a second and I could see a small amount of weight lifted.

"You know what, you are right. I shouldn't feel bad when I try to do things right. This disease is a pain in the neck and I am not going to keep blaming myself. I like that. 'Blame diabetes!' HA! That's a good one!"

I hate that Paul feels responsible and guilty as so many of us do. We just have to remember that even though we do all we can sometimes those numbers we want do not show up on our meters.

When that happens, blame diabetes.