I’ve never been formally diagnosed with depression. After having post-partum depression after No. 1 and No. 2 were born, I pretty much recognized the symptoms. It took Harry looking at me and actually calling me on it (“How depressed are you?”) for me to finally get help for it.
But back then one of the reasons I didn’t seek out a more professional opinion was because I was unemployed and scraping every penny I had for everything I did. In fact, after Harry prescribed an anti-depressant for me I wasn’t able to take it because insurance didn’t cover it and I couldn’t afford to shell out $100 a month for it.
Fortunately a friend of the family works in medicine and suggested I look into generic anti-depressants. Which I did, and found one for just $25 a month. So that’s what I’ve been taking for about five or six years. It helps, definitely. All I know is that without it I feel like shit.
Yet, I also wonder if what I’m taking is what’s right for me. Since I’ve never been diagnosed by a mental health professional I don’t know if there’s something out there that’s better. There are times when I wonder if I feel a certain way because my drug isn’t working correctly or if it’s just a symptom of depression or if it’s just the way I am.
I’ve thought for a long while that I should seek a professional mental health opinion. I’m not really sure why I didn’t do it sooner. Now that my primary care physician wants to “reevaluate” things before she renews my prescription again, I’ve decided to finally see a phychiatrist.
What I hope to get out of this meeting (or maybe series of meetings) is a diagnosis and treatment plan that I can live with, as well as a sense that I’ve finally found the best way to approach my mental health.
Michelle,
I have just now completed reading all three parts of your blogs entitled, "This is Depression".
I can relate to ALL you have described for your depressive symptoms, but as a male, I think I express them differently. I rarely cry, in fact it is like the depression is sealed tightly in a pressure cooker so that it can't come out and I can't cry. I am seeing a therapist about that.
But one thing is for sure, depression is typically a tag-along for all chronic illnesses, because those illnesses chip away at you every day just a little here and there, until one day you just can't stand it any longer.
And with your case as a woman, there are hormonal issues that just add even more symptoms to the great sespool of health issues that affect quality of life.
Let me tell you to the best of my ability what my psychiatrist believes regarding the treatment of depression. I told him that in the past I saw only primary care physicians for antidepressant medication, but after a while the medication just seemed to "stop working", so they changed medications.
My psychiatrist stated that all physicians are required to know about the medications, but they do not have the specialized knowledge of them nor do they have the practical experience of how to prescribe antidepressant medication.
When I told my psychiatrist that my current antidepressant medication had stopped working and that I was starting to have angry thoughts and suicidal thoughts again, he disagreed that it warranted switching to a new medication, nor did he think a higher dosage was the answer.
Instead, he prescribed an ADDITIONAL antidepressant that would chemically handle my depression through a different method of action. The antidepressant that "stopped working" had once worked, but it was not enough.
In addition, there is also now a third antidepressant I take at night to help me sleep better, but the dosage is barely sufficient to work as an antidepressant, instead it is just enough to qualify as a non-addictive sleep-aid that can be taken continuously.
By keeping the original antidepressant and adding a new one with a different method of action after years of insufficient relief from depression, I'm here telling you now that I now have a regimen that WORKS.
My whole point is to encourage you to see a doctor proficient in psychiatric medicine, instead of your primary care physician, to treat psyciatric issues. A psychiatrist is also versed in medications that people with diabetes can take without significant risk of affecting how you manage your diabetes.
You don't deserve to feel like you want to cry and sleep all the time. I hope you find a moment of "you-time" so that you can do whatever you feel is right to get better -- I always believed taking a pill was the answer, but it wasn't. Taking two pills was the answer for me in my life. And it didn't happen until I saw the correct type of doctor.
Be well, my friend.
And, Michelle, I forgot to mention this in my previous comment. In a previous blog you stated that you are right at the beginning stages of menopause, I think I remember that you stated it wasn't actually menopause, but it was just way early beginning stages.
I once worked with a woman who just cried and cried, but she didn't know why. I know that you are already knowledgable about this, but I feel it is important to share with the community.
When this woman began hormone replacement therapy for symptoms of menopause, it was a great help. And -- your endocrinologist should already be looking into specific hormone levels in your blood, including thyroid hormone. Endocrinologists are there for WAY MORE than just diabetic issues, and in that particular woman's case, it was not a matter of antidepressant medication, rather it was all about hormone therapy.
Michelle I want to thank you for stimulating my thoughts enough to write my commentary -- I don't know it all because I'm not in the medical field, and I know this forum is geared towards diabetes, but there is so much more than diabetes to discuss, particularly when diabetes is either the cause of it, or something that aggrivates a health condition.
Thanks for your comments Dantony. (Haven't seen you around lately.) Unfortunately, I'm not a candidate for HRT because I have a history of blood clots. When I was 18 I had been on the pill for about six months when I developed a pulmonary embolism in addition to a DVT. My left leg was "significantly clotted" from my groin to my ankle. From that point on my family and doctors and I knew I would have to take injections of blood thinners when/if I got pregnant and that I would never be able to take any kind of hormone therapy. After my first child was born, my OB wanted me to consider using an IUD but after doing a lot of research decided that even the lowest dose IUD was too much of a risk for me. When I was pregnant with my third, my OB (not the same one I had with my first two pregnancies) prescribed the wrong dose of blood thinner for me and I developed another DVT in my left leg and was again "sigificantly clotted" from my groin to my ankle. (Yep, I cheated death twice!) So unfortunately for me (and my family) I can't take HRT. Also, my OB checked my hormone levels recently and they were normal. I'm 100% certain that what I'm dealing with is more depression than hormones. Though, it is pretty clear from my moods when I'm ovulating and when my period is about to start. Okaaaayyyy... I just gave you way more information than you bargained for.
Hey Michelle -
I've just spent some time reading your blog here...and wow, i feel better knowing someone around my age going through some similar things.
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings surrounding your depression journey. I have been struggling with that myself, and my diabetes has not helped at all. i recently entered therapy and i just wish i could meet some other people going through that..then i show up here, and the first blog i find is yours :)so thanks. you have helped someone feel a little better today.
Jenne