ldleeuw

When I was little, I imagined a perfect life. I picked careers, pretended to make life-changing decisions and pictured my future. Nothing was affected by realistic needs and the facts of my life. I could be anything and never worry about discrimination in the workplace. I could live anywhere and not stress over medical access or insurance. My mind was limitless.

Now I make these life-changing decisions for real: I pick future careers, places to live and potential spouses. Now I have limits. My decisions factor in my diabetes and my future with diabetes. I look at things like job requirements, insurance benefits and personal reactions to my diabetes. Everything is affected by it.

I recently looked into working for the FBI. The job requirements say that the Bureau will decide who is fit to perform his/her duties according to the Bureau's expected potential (with or without diseases). Of course, I know that my diabetes is unpredictable. If I'm in the field working on a case and I get low, obviously I can't perform my duty to the best of my expected potential. Legally, I don't want to be discriminated against or judged for a disease. But how can I rightfully say my diabetes won't get in the way? Realistically, I just can't do some jobs because of diabetes.

When I meet new people (potential dates in particular), I judge their reactions to learning about my diabetes. Are they afraid of needles? Are they squeamish to blood? Are they annoyed with my cannula? Needless to say, if they are then they usually don't make the cut. They may be the sweetest and most attractive date, but my diabetes is 24/7. I can't turn it off when I'm on a date (if only an ON/OFF switch was the solution!!). My diabetes becomes priority in these instances because I know that my future spouse needs to be completely comfortable with my diabetes.

There are other things like employee benefits (Insurance? Sick days? Disability pay?), job location (how often do I move or am I living in remote areas of the world?), or even a potential mate's job and local (how often are they gone or how stable is their income?) affect how I decide things now. No, diabetes is not stopping me from living my life. It isn't even slowing me down. It's just a natural factor on my pro/con list for the future. It might keep me from being an FBI agent or marrying the sweetest (but needle shy) guy, but it's simply a part of my future no matter the outcome.