These last few days have been mind boggling. I have no idea what is going on with my blood sugars. Mostly, I'm running high, although there are several lows thrown in there too. Most of them don't have any kind of reasoning to them at all. And I'm torn between being extremely frustrated that my progress is now out the window or being exhausted and just not caring anymore.

Last night, I enjoyed a sub sandwich and a diet Sprite. I started out at 140 but soared to a crazy 319 a few hours later. I know that I bolused fairly close to the carbs in my sandwich, so my only guess is that the Sprite wasn't so diet after all. So I bolused for the 319 expecting to come down in the morning. (By the way, I've eaten many a sub sandwich and never had this problem.)

Yet, I woke up at 196. I postponed a bolus for that number because I was about to go for a jog. After prepping for the jog, my blood sugar was 234. I hadn't eaten anything in hours and my Lantus wasn't quite ready to wear off yet. So I hopped on the treadmill and pounded out a mile run. After that, I was an astounding 267...most runs make me drop at least 30 points, but this one seemed to be having the strangest effect on my body and my blood sugars. I did another mile, hoping to lower the blood sugar. Well, it did...a whopping 2 points. I dropped to 265, so I bolused (reduced by 20%) and went on my way.

But an hour later only has me at 230. I still haven't eaten all morning and I took my usual dose of Lantus a little while ago. I'm just really not sure what is going on with me today. Or all week for that matter!

I know I haven't been able to do my usual workouts (today is the first run since last weekend), but I don't think that would have THIS kind of effect on me. And my diet has been about the same since last week...only one strange meal which did send me to 324, but came down by the next morning to 147. And I haven't changed my Lantus since Saturday (when I actually increased it!).

I'm frustrated that I'm holding in the 200's all morning despite an intense workout and no food. I'm irritated that I don't really know why this is happening. My only other guess is that something with my hormones (possibly another ovarian cyst) is causing this sudden spike. I'm hesitant to raise my Lantus to combat the highs because this could pass as quickly as it came and leave me in the throes of a day or two of lows.

Yet I know that I can't keep feeling so frustrated. So I'm starting to take the advice of one of my readers who said that sometimes you just don't know why your high and that's that. Maybe there isn't a reason that I can put my finger on. Maybe I'm just not supposed to know. Maybe I just need to correct, keep my routine simple, and go on my way.

Sixteen years of diabetes has taught me that sometimes you really can't find a reason, as hard as you might look to find one. But at sixteen years, I'm also not ready to stop finding a method to the diabetes madness. But if I did, would it make my management a lot easier? Would I feel less stressed about the highs and more prone to letting them roll off my shoulders?

I can't tell...but I believe that today, I'm going to try just that. If I test and I'm still in the 200's, I'm going to stop worrying about what is going on and just go on with my life. I'll try not to consider that a day of highs could lead to complications after they all pile up. Most of all, I'm going to promise myself that diabetes IS NOT my life but merely A PART of who I am and what I do. So today, it's just a whatever kind of day.