Marc Turnley

Since I'm right in the middle of my "dating prime," dating is on my mind. Of course, there is the typical stuff about meeting new guys and just trying to be myself while catching their attention. Then there is the serious side of me that wonders about the long term situations and all that entails. To top it off (like a cherry on a sundae), there is dating and diabetes.

I'm usually okay with dating and diabetes. I don't hide it, but I don't flaunt it. I always take a survey of the situation before throwing diabetes into the mix. I don't really have a problem telling dates about my diabetes. It's something that is completely a part of me and therefore, something they must completely accept.

I know I've mentioned in previous blogs about my concerns for the future in relationships while having this disease. There are things like insurance, sick leave, disability benefits, how much he's around, how much we're moving. They all are affected by my diabetes. I don't want to end up stressing about a lack of decent insurance or disability pay. And I don't want to stress that I'm constantly moving because of his job, therefore unable to find a good endocrinologist or just stabilize my diabetes. Those are valid issues, but they aren't even my most important issues.

The number one question I always want to ask on dates is "What's your medical history?" and follow it with "Specifically, does diabetes run in your family?" I want to know because, genetically, I feel I have to know. It may sound absurd to some, but for me, genetics are a huge part of dating. I want to know that I'm not walking into a situation where my kids have a 90% chance of developing diabetes. I want to know that I'm not asking for trouble by dating someone (by dating, I mean progressing to the point of potentially marrying) who has a long history of diabetes or diabetes-related issues.

This isn't to say that I'm judging people (because how can I judge someone with the same past as myself?). And I'm not completely throwing people out of my life because of diabetes (THAT would be absurd). But I feel that I need to know these things in order to make a logical assessment of my future. If I fall in love with a man who has diabetes or has a family history of diabetes, then I fall in love with him. I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

But until that point, I want to make sure that I have the option to back out before I fall in love. I want to reassure myself that I'm not walking into my greatest fear. I want to make sure that I'm making the best decisions for my future children. I feel that it's my job to protect them from as much as I can (yes, I realize, there isn’t even a guarantee that I'll have kids). I need to know that I made an educated and conscious choice to marry (and procreate) with whomever I eventually choose.