Diabetic Recipes
Marc Turnley
Since I'm right in the middle of my "dating prime," dating is on my mind. Of course, there is the typical stuff about meeting new guys and just trying to be myself while catching their attention. Then there is the serious side of me that wonders about the long term situations and all that entails. To top it off (like a cherry on a sundae), there is dating and diabetes.
I'm usually okay with dating and diabetes. I don't hide it, but I don't flaunt it. I always take a survey of the situation before throwing diabetes into the mix. I don't really have a problem telling dates about my diabetes. It's something that is completely a part of me and therefore, something they must completely accept.
I know I've mentioned in previous blogs about my concerns for the future in relationships while having this disease. There are things like insurance, sick leave, disability benefits, how much he's around, how much we're moving. They all are affected by my diabetes. I don't want to end up stressing about a lack of decent insurance or disability pay. And I don't want to stress that I'm constantly moving because of his job, therefore unable to find a good endocrinologist or just stabilize my diabetes. Those are valid issues, but they aren't even my most important issues.
The number one question I always want to ask on dates is "What's your medical history?" and follow it with "Specifically, does diabetes run in your family?" I want to know because, genetically, I feel I have to know. It may sound absurd to some, but for me, genetics are a huge part of dating. I want to know that I'm not walking into a situation where my kids have a 90% chance of developing diabetes. I want to know that I'm not asking for trouble by dating someone (by dating, I mean progressing to the point of potentially marrying) who has a long history of diabetes or diabetes-related issues.
This isn't to say that I'm judging people (because how can I judge someone with the same past as myself?). And I'm not completely throwing people out of my life because of diabetes (THAT would be absurd). But I feel that I need to know these things in order to make a logical assessment of my future. If I fall in love with a man who has diabetes or has a family history of diabetes, then I fall in love with him. I'll cross that bridge when I get there.
But until that point, I want to make sure that I have the option to back out before I fall in love. I want to reassure myself that I'm not walking into my greatest fear. I want to make sure that I'm making the best decisions for my future children. I feel that it's my job to protect them from as much as I can (yes, I realize, there isn’t even a guarantee that I'll have kids). I need to know that I made an educated and conscious choice to marry (and procreate) with whomever I eventually choose.
Lindsey,
Everyone who has any sort of potentially-genetic medical issue goes through this sort of introspection at one point or another. It is part of the social baggage of having been brought up to believe in the Darwinian theory of evolution, and to be able to extrapolate the social impact of allowing the "imperfect" to procreate. (I went through a similar period in high school because of a congenital deformity of my left foot.)
If the "viral" theory of T1 has any weight to it, your diabetes might not be something that could be passed on to a child. And there may be other genetic factors that would favor having one or more children with half of your genetic code.
In the end, your choices -- whether or not to pursue a relationship, whether or not to marry, and what sort of children (100% biological, surrogate, or adopted), if any, you choose to bear and rear -- will be determined not only by your decisions, but by your circumstances (financial, medical, and physiological). Trying to second-guess that now is like trying to predict, today (in 2008), the top 5 finishers in women's gymnastics at the 2024 Olympics: the competitors are already alive, but there's no telling yet how they will develop over time.
even if you marry someone who has no history of diabetes in their family doesn't mean that your child won't develop diabetes. i know people who have type 1 and are the ONLY person in the entire family with it. and i know people who have type 1 and have kids who don't have it. genetics are a medical mystery no matter how far along in the genome project we get there will always be unknowns. i wouldn't try to avoid falling in love with someone just because of their family medical history... you don't really have a choice in the matter anyway... you just fall.
Lindsey
I am third generation type 1 diabetic. My maternal grandmother, mother, and all four of her children (my siblings and I) have diabetes. Three of us type 1 and one type 2. My husband I unfortunately could not have children for other reasons, but I have seven nieces and nephews ranging in age from 21 - 46 yrs and not a diabetic among them. So there is no guarantees one way or the other. We get what is dealt. My husband was aware of my health issues as well as family history of diabetes and heart disease and he loved me and still does, in spite of it, or maybe because of it. All I know is diabetes can dictate so much of your life, don't let it do the same to your love life. Enjoy it. I have been with my husband 20 years, every day is an adventure for us with my health and I am grateful he is by my side for every minute of it.