I'm a fairly simple guy. I live a fairly simple life. I have but one sacred and golden rule to live by.
Never.
Ever.
Never.
Under any circumstance.
Write a rap song.
And NEVER!
EVER!
Write a rap song about diabetes.
Doing so would clearly indicate that my blog has "jumped the shark."
But, (hypothetically speaking of course) if I were to stretch way out of my comfort zone, commit cardinal sin and write a rap song, I think it would only be fair that you gave your full participation. By this, I mean you couldn't just read the lyrics like it was an Olive Garden menu. You'd have to read it all angry and gangsta-like.
It also wouldn't hurt if you installed permanent gold slugs (teeth) in your mouth. Totally optional, but strongly suggested.
So, with advanced apologies to Notorious B.I.G. and 50 Cent (if those are your real names), jump the shark, I will, with a rap song dedicated to my son's ass.
Charlie's ass - You've been through a lot in last 5 and-a-half years. This one goes out to you.
D-Rump (Diabetic Rump)
D-Rump
D-Rump bump-bump
D-Rump
D-Rump bump-bump
You can play connect the dots
From all the shots
It's lookin' like an asteroid
No, we can't avoid
What we destroyed
But this ain't no toy like Play-Doh
It's a tornado (we spinnin' in)
And the endo
In the end though
What do they know
They ain't livin' this 24/7
D-Rump
D-Rump bump-bump
D-Rump
D-Rump bump-bump
Running out of space
His butt's a disgrace
Can't buy up more property like Trump
It's lookin' like a chump
His D-Rump is slumpin'
From three years of pumpin'
On his D-rumpity rump.
Bruised and bloody underwear stain
Seen more needles than Kurt Cobain
No pain, no gain
It's rough terrain
Nevuh be the same
D-Rump
D-Rump bump-bump
D-Rump
D-Rump bump-bump
His tush is on the fritz
Taken 2 many hits
The complexion a reflection
Of an 8th-grader with zits
His site remains impervious
But I'm curious
Why the Fast and Furious
Left tire skid marks on his ass, yo!
Adhesive's tight yo
And if you seen his sorry rump, you'd get a fright yo.
D-Rump
D-Rump bump-bump
D-Rump
D-Rump bump-bump
Don't know if it will recover
With the needle we still hover
Been through hell and back
Whole town has seen his crack
at one time or another
Yeah.
At one time or another
Ya see my shortie
He wears a Sure-T
His little booty
Has lost its beauty
The numbing cream
Don't stop the scream
Ya heard, the numbing cream
don't stop the scream
No.
Don't stop the scream
D-Rump
D-Rump bump-bump
D-Rump
D-Rump bump-bump
Don't stop the scream. Don't stop the scream.
No.
No.
Don't stop the scream. Don't stop the scream.
No.
No.
(fade out)
Don't stop the scream. Don't stop the scream.
Holy Hell, that was the funniest thing I have ever read.
OMG this is the funniest thing ever!
Pre diabetic here on an urgent mission to drop 25 lbs. Has anyone tried VITAZEST (vitamin) water ? My nutritionist says its a diabetes friendly drink with no calories ?
Not bad for one of the whitest guys I know.
Holy crap this was the funniest thing (but I went awwwww at the "don't stop the scream" part).
My God Man!!!...that was screamin' funny!!!
tears running down my face...holy crap could I relate...
You made my day!!!