The start of every semester is difficult. Getting back into the groove of school can be daunting. Some are worse than others though. And this semester is on that list of worst semesters.

I'm behind in every class. I've missed weeks of some of my classes. The lab that I'm supposed to be taking...I've never been to. Assignments are beginning to pile up. Tests are starting next week. There's just too much to handle.

I know that I could have pushed myself harder. I know that this is a big chunk of my own fault. Yes, the fatigue has been incredibly rotten. My blood sugars have been bouncing up and down. I've had migraines for days on end. And just the general malaise and lack of motivation are enough to make me crawl into bed forever.

But that doesn't mean that I couldn't do it. I could have and should have pushed myself to get out of bed, get dressed, and go to class. I should have pushed myself to stay caught up, to not take days off. I know it's my fault. But would it be this way if there was no health interference?

I honestly can't say. I've never been your perfect attendance kind of girl. I was allowed to skip school if I just didn't feel like going. I never abused that power though. I would get my work done, go on important days, or take a morning off instead. Now, the perfectionist in me feels like I'm abusing the skip power that I have here in college.

And it's biting me in the butt just like it has in semesters past. Not only am I now being forced to spend a lot of my time catching up on readings that I wouldn't have done if I'd attended class...but I'm considering dropping a class. Which is a big deal to me.

I've dropped two classes before this. The first was because the professor was absolutely insane, giving exams on things not covered in lectures or readings. And the second was because I missed too many days, even an exam, when things had gotten particularly bad with my health. This one is quite the same. I've missed all the labs and failing the lab means failing the whole class.

I'm scheduled to graduate in May right now. Dropping the class would possibly change that. But I do have some options here.

I can try to test out of a physics or chemistry class before the end of the semester. If I pass that, I'd still be able to graduate in May. Unfortunately, I haven't looked at physics in five years and sciences in general are not my strongsuit...although I did get an A in my high school physics class.

I can tough out the labs and lectures of my current science class. It means making it to every single lab from here on out and not missing more than ten points on any of the assignments. It's something that I'm not motivated to do at all.

I can try to test out of physics or chemistry, but not stress. And take a science in June at a local community college if I don't pass either exam. It means that I wouldn't be able to graduate in May, but I'd be done with school by July 4th and have a diploma by August.

There are pros and cons to each option. There's the fact that I lose money if I drop the class. There's also the fact that I'm behind and stressed out, which dropping would greatly eliminate. There's also the fact that I've decided to take time off after graduation anyway, so pushing it back isn't the end of the world.

I wish that I wasn't in this position. I wish that I'd pushed harder, not felt so run down lately, or just something different than where I am. But unfortunately, here we are. Just not sure which path is the best choice for me.