Rachel-B

Throughout my diabetes life, I've developed some bad habits. I'm a perfectionist and hate having them linger over my diabetes. I've decided that I need to break these bad habits if I truly want to excel on my pump and in life. I'm at a point where I realize all the great things I'm looking forward to: establishing a career, starting a family, building my dream home. I don't want to miss one second of my future because I made poor decisions with my diabetes. So I'm challenging myself to make a list of the five habits of my diabetes life and work on curbing each one:

1. Blind Bolusing- The number one self-inflicted issue of my diabetes is that I tend to not check my blood sugar directly before I bolus for carb intake. I check my blood sugar on average 7 times a day, but those times are not always before a meal. I always test in the morning, if I'm feeling "funny," in between classes and usually about one hour before a meal. My goal: to not carb bolus unless my blood sugar is taken into account.

2. Food Choices- I've always picked my food based on my diabetes. I would eat according to my insulin pattern and according to my blood sugar (more carbs when I'm low, less carbs when I'm high). Sometime in the last year, I threw all that out the window. Maybe I just wanted to be normal and eat normal so I did. My insulin levels skyrocketed. My blood sugars skyrocketed too. My goal: avoid carb loading my diet and avoid high fat foods that I know raise my blood sugar.

3. Days Off- On weekends or holidays, I subconsciously take a break from my diabetes. It's subconscious because I never realized how much I slacked on weekend blood sugar tests until I got my pump. I recently started checking more often on days off and realized that my basals weren't really covering me on those days. I've been running high which just adds to my A1c. My goal: check regularly on weekends and create an alternate basal pattern for the days I'm not doing much.

4. Keeping Quiet- Ever since I can remember, I've hated talking about my diabetes. Sometimes I feel that people will judge me. Sometimes I feel that they'll worry too much or assume I can't eat things (like my boss thinks I can't eat sugar despite my eating cake right in front of her). Sometimes I feel that I'm complaining or trying to make people feel sorry for me. Unfortunately, there are safety reasons why people need to know. My professors need to know just in case something happens in class (like the girl who had a diabetic seizure during a test a few weeks ago). There are also awareness reasons. The general population needs to know so that they realize that seemingly "normal" people are struggling with this disease. The population also needs to know the reality of this disease: how managing is just a way of covering up, the risk of complications, the hassle of it all. My goal: to speak up for my own good and for the good of research and reality.

5. Easy Does It- Being a perfectionist can greatly affect how you manage diabetes. Sometimes I know I manage too aggressively with this disease. I make changes if I see one high blood sugar without taking into account stress or hormones. I assume the worst of everything involved in diabetes from complications to my emotions. I'm very hard on myself that I can't seem to get fully adjusted to diabetes after fifteen years. I strive to be normal and fit in despite knowing that I never will. My goal: to take it slow and not push the limits on my diabetes, to realize I can be upset about diabetes for as long as I want, to not look into the future with fear of kidney transplants or fertility issues because of poor control.

Despite my perfect goals, I know that I'm still human and make mistakes. I'm going to slip and not check my blood sugar before I eat and I'm positive I'll hide my diabetes from someone in the future. At least while I'm slipping up, I can keep striving (and of course, developing more bad habits to break!).