It's been awhile. The whirlwind that is life took over for a spell. To avoid another takeover, I'm committing to twenty-six letters. A through Z. One letter at least every other day - each representing a word that relates to living with diabetes or being touched by diabetes.

You might think that A, naturally, would be A1C. You know? That number that supposedly gives you an idea of you how you're managing. But A won't be A1C today. Because, although I believe it's important to know your A1C and keep your number in order, there is, I believe, a more important A. And that's accountability.

Sometimes diabetes throws a curve-ball. Sometimes, it seems, no matter what we do, our blood sugar has a mind of its own. It swoops or peaks for no apparent reason.

But, in my twenty-five years of experience, in more than half of cases where my blood sugar is out of range, I know that something I've done has caused the wonky number. For example, I grazed at a party and didn't pay enough attention to the amount of insulin I was getting. Or I had planned on exercise and dosed or eaten accordingly then decided against my planned activity. Or I went to bed without testing. Or I had a few cocktails and miscalculated the sugar to booze ratio.

The worst thing is, sometimes, even when I know I've done something to cause an out of range blood sugar reading, I can't seem to admit it. To the people who love me. To my doctor. Mostly, though, to myself.

I've thought about this a lot lately. It could be pure and simple human nature. I mean, we all prefer something or someone else to be to blame when something goes wrong. But I believe it's more than that. There is just SO much that as people we're held accountable to. Our jobs, our relationships, our families, our bills. When you stack diabetes atop the pile of other responsibilities, it can become incredibly overwhelming. The weight of being held accountable for the delicate balance of insulin, food, and exercise is exhausting. And the relentlessness of the challenges that diabetes serves up - with the way things are thrown off by even slight changes - is trying. And the effects the disease has on every single part of our body can be devastating. The consequences of our slightest mistake, of taking even a moment's rest from the 24/7 vigilance that is required to maintain control, scream at us in the form of dire predictions about failed kidneys and blindness and amputated toes and heart disease.

Is it any wonder that it's challenging to remain accountable at all times for our actions?

I believe accountability is vitally important in the life of a person with diabetes. I believe that in order to remain healthy, we cannot - we must NOT - continually make excuses for behavior that we know will wreak havoc on our blood sugar. BUT, it is equally important that we cut ourselves some slack on occassion. If we don't, our lives become diabetes and diabetes becomes our lives. And I, for one, won't take blame for letting that happen.

Stay tuned for B. B is for "Basketcase" or "Blood sugar Basketcase," as the case may be.