What do you say to the person/people you haven't spoken to in four years? It wasn't a break up, it was just... distance and history.
You all know that I can talk/write up a storm. Especially about my life. But there's this letter I need to write that I can't figure out how to start. And I'm sure I've told you before that I'm the kind of writer who likes to start from the beginning. I've never been able to write the middle of a story first; I have to get the first paragraph down before anything else will fit.
This letter is to The Mr.'s biological father and his wife. We've spoken to and written to them sporatically in the last decade. Once to borrow some money, once to introduce them to our kids. Most of it -- at least looking back -- could be seen as superficial. Now that we're much older and have some life under our belts, we really want to connect with T in a different way. I mean, he's got three grandchildren that he's never met. (Of course my biological father has three grandchildren, too, that he's never met, but I'm fine with keeping it that way. A story for another day.)
Anyway, so the other day I was rummaging through a drawer and found a letter that T had written to The Mr. several years ago. It was just an update, but also mentioned the passing of The Mr.'s grandmother, who we hadn't known had died until we got that letter. That was the last time we heard from them. The Mr. has a half brother he's only met maybe twice. He's about 20ish now, we think. (We both have fairly complicated family trees.)
I offered to write a letter to T to catch him up on our lives and send pictures of the kids, etc. And it's very strange to me that I can't figure out how to start this letter. I guess because *I* want things to be different this time. I think it would be great for The Mr. to have a connection with T. Not a fatherly connection, but at least some sort of friendship. Perhap *I* have too much invested in this letter, which is why the words aren't coming to me.
Ya'll have been in our thought recently so I thought I would take the time to write and bring you up to date
I think you are thinking too much. I think you can't start because you have many things you want to explain. I wonder, if you gave it some thought, if those are things you need to write for yourself, perhaps to yourself. Edit all of that out. Just write a letter about today, then let T respond.
If the relationship develops there will be plenty of opportunity for all those other thoughts to come to light. If the relationship, doesn't progress than those thoughts won't be necessary. Good luck and good writing.
I think I can understand for different reasons than yours what you are going through. Sometimes when I find it difficult to start something, whether it be writing or pretty much anything else (ugh, like housework!), and I just can't think or organize in my mind what it will take ahead of time, I simply "begin" anyway. When I do that, I get to choose what to do (or write) first, and then I am much more in the mood to pre-think. And actually, in the case of writing, I find that somehow those things which are most important for me to say automatically become available ... perhaps it is for me not so much an issue of wondering what to write as it is that I have simply started. And for someone like you who is already an accomplished writer, if you are really stuck, you may simply be in conflict between what you want to write and what you need to write.
I just "know" without knowing you well that you have it within you to figure out anything you choose to figure out. Are you hesitating because you don't actually "want" to write the letter? I only ask this because when you really want to do something, for instance, you make it possible without thinking about it so much. You just "do" it.
Let me briefly tell you what happened after I missed my 20th high-school reunion. I missed it because I graduated from a different high school that I attended only grades 11 and 12. So the "real" reunion I wanted to attend was one I was excluded from because I did not graduate from that high school. However, I did the research and over email I got in touch with friends I haven't seen in over 20 years.
And to my surprise, a few contacted me first.
The bottom line had nothing to do with the length of time that had passed -- it was the fact that we all remembered each other and that no matter what happened 20 years ago, we all were more than pleased to recieve any type of message of acknowledgement, that they meant something to my life back then and I still remember them with fond memories. No message exchange went wrong -- they all went right. After all, we are adults now. And in some small way, we unspokenly acknowledge that we are no longer immortal as in our teenage bulletproof years, and than in the end, even if in a small way, all we have is each other.
Quit procrastinating and write the letter. It will simply open a door, not open some unexpected floodgates. And everyone likes to know they are on someone's mind.