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Ever since I was little, my mom has always told me that there was a reason behind my diabetes. I've always believed her and hoped that one day I would realize what the reason was. When my other health conditions developed, we had the same conversation. There was a reason behind my health problems.

Occasionally, ideas pop into my head. Sometimes I think I know, but mostly I feel that I have no clue what's behind all my health problems. It all seems so pointless. There is one consistent theme throughout the ideas in my mind though.

For the longest time, I've known that I needed to be a mother. Kids were part of my calling. I was meant to pass something on, but I have no idea what that something is. I just know that it's one of things I have to do with my life.

Diabetes has always been in the back of my mind when I think about kids. Not only is it a risk of passing on the disease, but it's also a risk to my life in getting pregnant. Diabetic pregnancies aren't easy, controlled or not. And I'm well aware of those risks. Plus, diabetes could make it impossible for me to get pregnant to begin with, even though that's less likely at this point.

My other health conditions complicated the idea of kids even more. They add more risk and complications into getting pregnant. There are potential genetic issues that might be passed on. These health conditions greatly raise my infertility rates, so I might try for years to get pregnant, only to realize that it's not going to happen at all.

I still believe my mother that there is a reason behind this. And I'm listening to the ideas in the back of my mind more closely now. The one thing that sticks: adoption. Not just general, healthy baby kind of adoption, either.

Maybe I'm supposed to adopt diabetic children, or kids with other chronic illnesses. I understand them. I can relate and help them cope. So maybe my call to motherhood is more specific in that I'm supposed to be a mom to the ill because I've been there.

I've looked into the resources offered to find potential adoptees with chronic conditions. I wish there were greater resources out there because I can't seem to find very many. Or even resources on fostering kids with chronic conditions so that their transition is a little easier because someone else understands one aspect of life.

Ultimately, I wish there were resources out there so that more people would realize that adopting chronically ill kids is just as important as adopting healthy babies. It's like the commercials pushing people to adopt older children and sibling groups. Where are the commercials raising awareness for the diabetic kids? the epileptic kids? the blind kids?